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| Little Beanie was running all over the cafe. Thankfully the cafe was empty and she wasn't a nuisance to anyone. |
I met up with some of of blog friends for tea recently at this really nice cafe, which was in this really swanky hotel.
"Wahhhhhh... so tai-tai!" Some of my friends claimed. They are envious that I can "play with my daughter the whole day", "drink tea at 3 pm in the afternoon with fellow Tai-Tai friends", and for those without children, they think that I am chilling at home with a glass of Lychee Martini while surfing the net all day.
Among all my friends, I am the only one who quit a full-time job to be a stay-at-home-yet-still-self-employed-Mom.
To my friends who are full-time working moms, they think that I am lucky because I get to spend quality time with my daughter and now that I have a helper, I do not have to do housework anymore, and thus I am now a "tai-tai".
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Tai-Tai... I am certainty NOT!
First and foremost, I am self-employed. Yes, I work from home most of the time but I do work. I do go for trainings, meet up with clients, clear admin work, think of ways to get more clients and prospects and I work when Beanie is asleep.
I face with the pressure of not meeting my sales target, not bringing a meaningful second income to my household, not contributing to my CPF and according to my mother, I am wasting my degree and CFA away by being a stay-at-home-yet-still-self-employed-mom.
And because I am half a stay-at-home-mom, I also face the guilt of not doing enough of home-schooling for Beanie. I try to read to her as much as I can, I try to do art-and-craft work when I have the time, I take out my violin and play some simple songs to create my own "music lessons", I bring her out for a swim or a little romp at the playground whenever the weather permits.
But all these are ad-hoc and too free-style. Compared to some of the moms who blog about their organized learning activities with the flash cards and sensory toys, I seem to be doing Beanie a huge injustice.
And then there will be days when I would worry about the family's finances. What if my husband loses his job? How can we start to plan for our retirement with only 1 income? Can I afford to send Beanie to a good pre-school? (the answer is "no")
Sigh! The perils of being a stay-at-home-yet-still-self-employed-mom!
