Losing No. 2

This will be a sad post, I'm afraid.

I was supposed to be 8 weeks pregnant when I started to spot brown. However, since I also had some forms of spotting and bleeding when I was carrying Beanie, I wasn't too worried about the spotting for this second pregnancy.

Unfortunately, after 3 days of light spotting, the bleeding started to get heavier and I noticed red blood bleeding and that was when I called my Gynae to book an emergency consultation. During the ultrasound, it seemed that the embryo had stopped developing since it was 5-6 weeks. In fact, we could see the amniotic sac but no fetus or heartbeat. It was a case of Blighted Ovum.

The doctor wanted to play safe and scheduled another scan in a week's time to ensure that there was indeed no development of the embryo, but he cautioned that my body might expelled the failed embryo naturally and I might suffer from a natural miscarriage. As long as I am not in severe pain or bleeding excessively, I should just let nature takes in course.

And true enough, I miscarried naturally later on the very same day, later in the evening.

The cramps and the backache started, it was as if I was going through a mini-labour. It was very similar to the same discomfort that I went through during the early stages of labour when I had Beanie. The bleeding intensified with many clots and then, suddenly I felt something passed out of me.

It was a small placenta, almost the size of a small kiwi fruit and the attached  amniotic sac, which looked like a deflated white balloon. Inside the sac, there was a very small, almost worm-like looking creature. I believe that the little worm was my little No. 2. My first instinct was to flush it away, and I did. But now on hindsight, I should have kept it in a box and buried it under my Frangipani Tree. It would have help me to move on.... and now, I have the guilt that I actually flushed my No.2 down the toilet chute!

Sigh. I know that miscarriages are very common and I have quite a few friends who went through at least 1 failed pregnancy but continued to have 2 or 3 perfectly healthy children anyway.

But it was still very sad for me to know that the little worm could have grown to be Beanie's little brother or sister. Yet, at the same time, I am also very thankful that my first-born, Beanie is now a healthy almost-2-year-old girl and this miscarriage makes me appreciate my Little Beanie so much more.

No woman will ever forget a miscarriage, every miscarriage was like a child lost.

Mommy will always remember you, my little no. 2.

Mother's Day at Gardens by the Bay

After the Mother's day lunch with my brothers, Mother and Grandma, we thought that it would be a good idea to bring my grandma, mom and Beanie to Gardens by the Bay: Tulipmania to enjoy some air-con in the temperature-controlled dome and to admire some beautiful flowers and tulips.

Well, apparently the whole of Singapore thought so too.

Gardens by the bay was totally packed yesterday!

Geez, I saw more people than flowers and due to the crowd, the dome was rather stuffy. Hmmm, they should really consider installing some fans to create some artificial breeze.

Nonetheless, my grandma and mom totally enjoyed the trip. It hits me once again that old folks are generally really easy to please. I could tell that my grandma was really pleased that we took her out for lunch and the trip to Gardens by the Bay was the icing on the cake. She is 86 years old this year, but still very healthy and feisty. She could walk around the dome on her own (with the help of her trusted umbrella) and was very intrigued by the various species of plants and flowers that she has never seen before.

My mom, being the gardener and Mrs green-fingers, was totally excited and went around on a photo spree. Hmmm, that sets me thinking that I should plan a trip with her to Japan during Spring to either see the sakura or to Hokkaido during the Spring festival.

As for Beanie, she was rather co-operative. Thankfully she did not pluck or destroy any plants and seemed to understand when I told her that she wasn't allowed to pluck the flowers and could only touch them gently. *phew*

This is my 2nd Mother's Day with Beanie, and everyday, I am very thankful that I am blessed with a healthy, spirited, cute and sometimes-she-drives-me-crazy daughter.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms!