A stay-at-home-yet-still-self-employed-mom

Little Beanie was running all over the cafe. Thankfully the cafe was empty and she wasn't a nuisance to anyone.

I met up with some of of blog friends for tea recently at this really nice cafe, which was in this really swanky hotel.

"Wahhhhhh... so tai-tai!" Some of my friends claimed. They are envious that I can "play with my daughter the whole day", "drink tea at 3 pm in the afternoon with fellow Tai-Tai friends", and for those without children, they think that I am chilling at home with a glass of Lychee Martini while surfing the net all day.

Among all my friends, I am the only one who quit a full-time job to be a stay-at-home-yet-still-self-employed-Mom.

To my friends who are full-time working moms, they think that I am lucky because I get to spend quality time with my daughter and now that I have a helper, I do not have to do housework anymore, and thus I am now a "tai-tai".

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Tai-Tai... I am certainty NOT!

First and foremost, I am self-employed. Yes, I work from home most of the time but I do work. I do go for trainings, meet up with clients, clear admin work, think of ways to get more clients and prospects and I work when Beanie is asleep.

I face with the pressure of not meeting my sales target, not bringing a meaningful second income to my household, not contributing to my CPF and according to my mother, I am wasting my degree and CFA away by being a stay-at-home-yet-still-self-employed-mom.

And because I am half a stay-at-home-mom, I also face the guilt of not doing enough of home-schooling for Beanie. I try to read to her as much as I can, I try to do art-and-craft work when I have the time, I take out my violin and play some simple songs to create my own "music lessons", I bring her out for a swim or a little romp at the playground whenever the weather permits.

But all these are ad-hoc and too free-style. Compared to some of the moms who blog about their organized learning activities with the flash cards and sensory toys, I seem to be doing Beanie a huge injustice.

And then there will be days when I would worry about the family's finances. What if my husband loses his job? How can we start to plan for our retirement with only 1 income? Can I afford to send Beanie to a good pre-school? (the answer is "no")

Sigh! The perils of being a stay-at-home-yet-still-self-employed-mom!

And I cried buckets at Les Miserables

Can any girl watch Les Miserables without shedding a tear?

She must be one very tough lady.

When I watched Les Mis recently at the movies, I was pretty sure that all females left the theatre with wet tissues in their hands. As for me, I was a total disgrace, I basically started bawling my eyes out at the moment Fantine sang I Dreamed A Dream until to the end of the movie.

And the movie was my third time watching Les Mis.

Les Miserables was my very first musical in my life. I remembered I was in secondary 3 when I watched the Australian cast at Kallang Theater. It was a school trip and I caught it with my classmates on a matinee. All of us were so excited and even though our seats were so very far away from the stage, we were totally spellbound by the moving storyline, the wonderful score and the fantastic stage setup . Les Mis had set the bar high. To date, it has remained to be my all time favorite musical at all time.

I remembered that I did not fully understand the storyline and at times, I was confused with the various characters. Well... some of them did look the same when I was like 5 km away from the stage. And it didn't help that there wasn't any subtitles, so half the time, I didn't understand what the performers were singing about.

Nonetheless, I still cried buckets when everyone died in the end. Well... almost everyone except for lucky Corsette and Marius.

At 15 years old, I told myself that I MUST watch Les Miserables again and I would pay for the best seats that I could afford.

And I did.

I watched Les Mis again in 2001 when I visited Hub in London. And this time round, I paid a grand total of 50 pounds (which was a lot of money as I was still a poor student and the exchange rate was S$3 to a Pound) for a matinee show. But I had a really good seat, I was seated on the 5th row from the stage and I could see the expressions of the actors/actresses, I could feel the live music in my ears and felt as if I was acting in the musical!

And for the second time, I cried buckets while watching the show. The funniest thing was that I watched the musical alone and there was this another young lady (most likely a tourist) who also came alone. So the both of us were sharing tissues, snorting loudly and basically bawling our eyes out. It was as if we knew Fantine or Eponie personally or something. When the curtain finally closed and after all the encores, my "crying partner" turned to me and gave me a little hug. "What a musical!" she said. And all I could do was to nod my head.

And so, at the recent movie, my third time watching Les Mis, I was still very moved by the sad story and songs. The singings could be better but most of the casts were Hollywood actors and actresses, and for that, it was very good effort already.

Ahh... if I had the chance, I would definitely catch Les Miserables Live once again!

Wedding in the family

One of my younger brothers, KB got married recently. Geez... it sure felt weird to see my little brother getting married.

I could still remember how we used to fight over EVERYTHING. And I was the mean older sister who always bullied my 2 younger brothers then. KB is the second kid, and before my youngest brother came along, KB and I were the best of playmates. Despite the fact that I bullied him all the time, he would still tug along his smelly bolster and followed me wherever I went.

I went to the playground, he followed. I went to the coffee shop to buy breakfast, he followed. I went to the neighbour's house to play, he followed. He was the pesty little brother whom I couldn't get rid of!

He even wanted to follow me to kindergarten. I remembered how he would cry whenever I got on the school bus and he was too young to follow me to school.

And now, my little annoying brother will be entering a new chapter in his life. *cue: a little boy carrying his smelly bolster flashed before me*

Nonetheless, I sincerely wish for eternal bliss and happiness to the newly wedded couple and hopefully they will provide a playmate for Beanie soon. ;)

Beanie, being the only niece was supposed to serve tea to the new couple. But she was too young to hold the fragile teacup, so a packet of Peach Tea was served instead. Haha...

Congratulations to KB and PS once again!