Another year to slog

Ideally, I should have passed my CFA level 3 by now, and can finally start thinking about starting a family. I’m in my earlier 30s… and biologically, it is about time to have children before age-related complication sets in.

But life isn’t all rosy and no matter how hard I try, things just do not go according to plan. I really did sit down and study for this Level 3 exam, but either I’m getting senile or I’m really just a stupid person, I did not manage to clear the exam, which already was my 2nd attempt.

1st attempt: I was busy with the wedding prep and subsequent house hunting activities that I did not prepare well for the exam. So, I jolly well deserved to fail.

2nd attempt: Wedding was over and finally got myself a HDB flat, I put in the effort and really sat down and studied. I did all the mock exams provided and went through all my notes. I really wanted to pass the exam and proceed to get my chartership. But, when I saw the morning paper… I panicked. The structure of the paper was very different from what I had been practicing and basically, I had no idea what the questions were asking about.

With that, I flunked.

Next year will be my 3rd attempt and I cannot afford to fail this time round. I have registered for the course early and once my books arrived, I will start studying. I will also sign up for “tuition” classes and seriously intend to be a “chao mugger”.

Haiz, the disappointment and shame that I have to endure for my “failure” is very, very, very difficult to stomach. In fact, I was moping around for the past weeks and took me a while to finally accept that what ever grand plans I have about having children, will just have to be postponed for another year.

Some friends commented that I should just go ahead with family planning and not let CFA be a hindrance. But I find this exam to be highly demanding and the fact that I have to juggle between my job, my personal life and the exam is already killing me. I simply cannot imagine being pregnant AND study 6 books and sit through 6 hours of mind boggling exam in a day. Yup, the 1st paper will start from 9-12, a break of 2 hours, then the 2nd paper from 2-5pm. And usually you will not have time to even pee nor drink any water during the intensive 3 hours per paper. It would be just scribbling, scribbling and punching madly into the calculator.

Just the thought of taking this exam all over again, is already making me DEPRESSED.

Why am I doing this to myself…?