Im disappointed… …

I’m kinda disappointed with my circle of friends right now. Then I looked around and I realized that I don’t really have many friends to start with. That, itself is not an issue since I’ve always believed in the quality of friends rather than quantity.

But now, I can’t help feeling a little disappointed. Maybe it is my fault on my part that I have not been "maintaining" my friendships or maybe I’ve been too giving as a friend that people took me for granted?

Technically, I only have two girl friends from my secondary school. GirlA takes the path less traveled and now is an entrepreneur, her son is almost two and she is expecting her 2nd one. Our friendship works such that we do not meet up all that often but when we do, we have endless things to talk about. But as her life is really different from mine, sometimes, I do kinda feel detached from her.

GirlB has been my best friend since young as we were in the same primary school, secondary school, JC and even university! So, we have really come a long way. GirlB has always been the quieter one, more feminine and private. While I’m just a loud, over-the-top and don’t-you-dare-to-f**k-with-me kinda girl.

I will usually tell her whatever happened but sometimes, she kinda keeps things from me. It will be a long while before I knew exactly what happened (sometimes I am still clueless!). I understand that some people needs some time to digest and selectively give out some information but I really cannot help but to feel disappointed that a friendship of almost 20 years cannot even “handle the truth”.

Sigh.

I used to be rather cosy with a bunch of hall friends but lately, I just feel that whenever we hang out (it had been a while since we last hung out), the conversations became extremely superficial… so much so that I feel that I am entertaining a bunch of acquaintances instead of friends.

Maybe I am just too overbearing. Yet, some said I am aloof.

I have always been envious of Carrie in “Sex and the City”, specifically her strong friendship with her 3 other friends - Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. I really do wish that I have 3 other girl friends who we can all hang out together and have breakfast/ Dim Sum every Sunday morning to bitch about everything under the sun. (esp. cute men or the lack of cute men in or lives)

Ok, time to recruit new girl-friends. If only it’s really that easy.