A special friend

Ok… here I am, blogging about friendship again. But I just have to blog this, to remind myself of a very talented friend, who has always inspired me in so many ways yet I didn’t know that he leads such a lonely life until today.

Technically, he is actually BF’s friend. I only got to know him through BF. Let’s call him D. BF and D are from the same kindergarten, primary school, secondary school and junior college. After that, D went to the US to pursue his studies and currently is still based in the US for his professorship in physics.

Thus, BF and I only hang out with him when he is back in Singapore during the winter break. Only for about 1 month in a year, I get to interact with this great guy.

D is easily one of the MOST intelligent human being I have ever met in my life. Always full of clever jokes and interesting stories, he has never failed to amaze me.

He self-taught himself to play the piano.
He takes amazing pictures.
He makes me laugh all the time with his witty remarks.
His dad makes me laugh even harder with his “uncle-ness” and I-am-always-correct attitude (in a non-imposing and oh-so hilarious way)
He engages in conversations that made me go quiet and think.

I really enjoy his company because I can learn so much from him, and I am really fond of him, as a friend, as an older brother, as a buddy. Among all of BF’s buddies, D is definitely my favourite. Hands down.

And just about 15 mins ago, I chanced upon his blog and his blog made me wana cry.

I didn’t know that behind that cheerful face, he is tormented by loneliness.
I didn’t know that beneath that intelligence, he is lost and questioned about his purpose in life.
I didn’t know that under that shield of strength, he longs for her pair of gentle arms to stroke his hair. And all these while, I noticed his glances at her and I have always thought that she is perfect for D. But yet, there is really nothing at all that I can help nor do.

His grief really saddens me in a ridiculous way, in a way I cannot explain. I feel really helpless. And the worst part is that I do not dare to confess to him that I have read his blog. Now, I understand his loneliness and despair, but I am nobody to comfort him or to show my support.

D is rather protective of his blog and doesn’t want many people to read it. Should I leave a comment on his blog to let him know that I understand his pain? Or at least I try to understand his pain?

I didn’t. And I don’t dare. I’m afraid that he would just shut down his blog and that tiny, little window for me to glimpse into his life, his fears, his pain and his longing for love.

BF is greatly troubled too. I know because he is sitting there, looking far away and swirling his wine without really drinking it. I know that he is upset that his best friend has been unhappy and he didn’t find out until 15 mins ago. And he couldn't do anything about it as well... can he?

D is flying back to the US tomorrow and we will not meet till about 11 months later, in the next winter break.

With all my heart, I sincerely wish that D can be happy. Can find that purpose that he has been looking for. Can hold the hand that he has been longing for. Can answer the questions that he has been asking himself.

D, my friend… all the best.