Feeling the need to pen down my thoughts again, although the fact that I have tons of work piling in front of me, the fact that I am right now in my office where I should be doing my work and the fact that my boss can just pop by any time to catch me skiving and writing blogs. Well... what the heck.

Just had a really great weekend, in fact, I should say, a mind-blowing weekend. Finally I managed to pick up a sport that I've always wanted to learn. Skiing. This is my second attempt at skiing and to my pleasant surprise, I have improved quite a lot! All these credit goes to my very dedicated skiing teacher, Koen although I should say that he nearly killed me, by declaring that I am ready for a blue trail, when I was not.

Nonetheless, I had the time of my life, falling in love with a new sport and I swear to myself that I must at least ski competently before this winter ends.

If you have been reading the load of crap above, I apologize. Those were not the reasons why I am feeling unsettled, why I can't concentrate on my work and why I just need to get this off my chest of writing it down.

I am attracted to a person that I am not supposed to. Yah, that's it. No big deal at all... I am sure many people out there have similar experiences before. Falling in love with someone whom you are NOT supposed to.

I am not trying to say that I am falling in love, I am not. Just rather attracted to someone who is happily in another relationship. Now that I am writing down my thoughts and emotions, it just hit me again how silly I have been again.

Men are surprisingly heartless creatures, they can tell you in one second that you are the most amazing girl they have met in their lives, and within the next few seconds, they cant even remember your name. And we are not even talking about those who are drunk or high on drugs here!

Here I am, hurt and puzzled why the other party didn't bother to call nor email nor follow-up where there was obviously a strong attraction between the both of us.

I guess he is just doing me a favor as well. I am afterall, happily in another relationship. We were both attracted to each other. But not enough to screw up our each, respective relationship.

Ahhh... At least I feel much better now. Less confused and more certain about how I am going to deal with this. So you'll be asking :"Aren't you going to call him up?"

My answer: "NO". Things should stay the way it is. We don't belong to each other and never will. We'll have better memories of each other anyway. If he can think about me once a while, that's all I can ask for, I guess.

Finally... I will be going back home to Singapore in about 48 hours' time. Simply cant wait... I really need this break from my "brain-cells-killing" job, working for at least 12 hours non-stop, with almost no lunch break is no laughing matter. Not only that, being back in the office for both Saturdays and Sundays from 9 to 6 pm, is causing my hormones to be imbalanced. Thus, I have this urge to either slap/kick/punch/bite whoever gets in my way...

Back to the trip towards my motherland, basically I am going home for Chinese Lunar New Year. Yes... about New Years again. Now that I look back upon my 24 years of life, my feelings and approach towards this festive holiday has been mixed.

As a kid, I LOVED Chinese New Years but then again, all kids love CNY. The red packets, sweets, lots of glorious food and a few days' break from school. During those short few days, life has never been better. Ahh... childhood always manage to bring a smile to my face. But as I begin to grow up, I start to ponder upon the PURPOSE of this holiday that I have always loved and celebrated. It is all about traditions? Or is it about spending time with my family?

Now that I've been away from home for about half a year, (yah, only) I simply cannot allow myself not to be home for reunion dinner, THE most important dinner of the year. And the funniest thing is that I have never been a mummy's girl or anything like that sort. In fact, my mum laughed when I told her that I usually stay at home and cook dinner, do my laundry, clean the house after my brain-cells-killing work. She just did not believe that her party-till-she-drop daughter can stay at home and be so domesticated??!!

Anyway, being away from home made me realize how important these festivals are. Mid-Autumn, CNY, Qing Ming, Duan Wu Jie, Dong Zhi... etc. Without these festivals, we are not Chinese. The history and the rich culture of the Chinese dynasty is something that I am very proud of.

Going home for Lunar New Year is like a ritual of being Chinese again. Speaking Mandarin and Hokkien with my family, receiving red packets and bringing 2 mandarin oranges to where ever I go. I have never appreciated these little traditions until now. Isn't it funny how an individual will want to preserve one's identity and culture when one is being threatened with the prospect of losing it?

Nonetheless, Happy Chinese New Year and Gong Xi Fa Cai. And I meant that from the very bottom of my heart.

The place, New York. The time, 6.06 pm. The date, 6 of January. The year, 2004.

I have always wanted to pen down my thoughts... but somehow I am always putting it off to another day, time or year. Enough is ENOUGH, 2004 is the year that I should start on this assignment of mine. And what better time than to start writing my blog in the beginning of a new year... where everything can start afresh. Or... can it?

On every 31st of December, 11.55 pm... a lot of people at different parts of the world will anticipate eagerly for the coming new year. "10, 9, 8... 5...3... 2... ONE!" And everyone will start screaming "HAPPY NEW YEAR", and hug whoever who is either fortunately or should I say, unfortunately within one's reach. This ecstatism will usually lingers for a few days where many people cant help but to blurt "Happy New year!" when ever they are in a social gathering. And in extreme cases, they will start hugging everybody all over again...

Please do not be mistaken, I do not have anything against hugging and I, certainly have nothing against New Years either. However, I have always wondered what is exactly so "happy" about a new year? When people wish each other "happy new year", do they sincerely wish that a happy and blissful new year will bestow upon that particular individual?

Well... I doubt so.