Beanie's Closet

I made a headband and some clips for my friend's baby girl, but I can't resist getting Beanie to model for me. Haha... but my model needs more hair!

If I were to start a blogshop selling headbands and hair clips, I will brand the shop "Beanie's Closet". ;)

Something to think about!

Sleep Training Part 2Little Beanie having some tummy time.

So, as I have mentioned in my previous post, I have started Beanie on sleep training, and the first night went well.

That was just a fluke. For the next 4 nights, I think I'm the one who is being sleep trained, ie: how to survive with less than 4 hours of sleep at night. It was so bad that I was having a constant headache during the days and was on the verge of running out of my house and to let Beanie cry and fuss at nights... ...

The 2nd night was the worst, she kept me up from 2.30 am till 5 am. Thankfully Hub was around during the weekend and I managed to nap in the day. Things are s-l-o-w-l-y getting better, for example, last night she still woke up twice in the night, but she only fussed for 15 mins at about 2 am without any feed, and at 5 am, I decided to give her a quick feed and she went back to sleep immediately after that.

I really do hope that she can clock at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep soon, so that my headache and eye bags can finally disappear for good!

Home alone with Beanie

Although I am Beanie's main (more like the ONLY) caregiver, I cannot possibly carry her all the time. However, Beanie's attention span in her baby gym is about 10 mins on good days, and more often than not, 10 seconds.

So I usually end up either putting her in a sling and sling her around while I do my housework or put in her stroller and push the stroller around the flat.

Guess these are better alternatives than a screaming baby. Sometimes I wonder whether am I spoiling her by slinging her around all the time. Hmmm, textbooks call this method "attached parenting". According to my mom, I'm spoiling her rotten. But my mom is not the one who has to deal with a screaming baby 24/7 ALONE. So, I'll do whatever it takes to save my sanity.

Anyway, I started sleep training for the 3rd time last night. The first 2 attempts failed miserably where I had to deal with a screaming Beanie for 2 solid hours ALONE at 3 am in the morning. After 2 traumatic nights , I simply do not have the courage to try again until last night.

I noticed that Beanie now has the capacity to sleep up to 6 hours at a time, but she will still wake up at 2-3 am for a comfort suck. So last night, I refused to nurse her and gave her a bottle of water and pacifier instead.

Of course, she was angry and screamed as usual, but after 30 mins (just when I was just about to give in), she started to whimper and within minutes, she actually dozed off.

WHOOHOO!

She then woke up at 6 am, gulped my milk and happily made cute "ah-goos" until about 8 am, and dozed off again.

I will stick to this sleep training routine and hopefully she can start to sleep through the night from 730 pm to 6 am.

Wish me luck!

Pictures Galore!

Beanie was about 2.5 weeks in the above pictures.

Beanie at 1 month

I found a free app that allows me to make picture collages via my iPhone. So guess what have I been doing for the whole of this afternoon? ;)

Looking at all these pictures made me realize how much Beanie has grown... and in less than a month's time, I will be back in office. I'm going to so miss my little Beanie!

If I were a boy... ...

I thought Beanie looks quite girly with her big, pretty and expressive eyes... but every time I bring Beanie out, in her PINK romper, PINK booties and PINK mittens (without her signature headband though), I still have strangers coming up to me "ahh, so cute, boy huh?"

Eh... Auntie, already all pink, and you think my daughter is still a boy??!!

So, being rather bored this morning, I put a blue beanie hat on Beanie and see whether does she look like a boy...

Hmmm. Haha, she does look like a boy huh?

Beanie likes dressing up

Hub bought a few pretty dresses for Beanie from H&M and we had a good time dressing our little doll.

Ahh... the joy of having little baby girls.

As for Beanie, she definitely enjoys the attention whenever we go gaga over her newest outfits. ;)

Professional pictures from D

A dear and talented friend, D came over for dinner and being shameless me, kept bugging him to take some pictures of Beanie because he's a really good photographer!

Ahhh... such beautiful photos!

Beanie and me

Took me quite a few shots to finally get her to look at my iPhone. First mother and daughter picture! ;)

Uninterrupted Sleep... ... Yeah, right.

That's a picture of Beanie when we went for our very first walk in the stroller. She enjoyed the walk a lot, so much so that I'm trying to make a point to go for a walk everyday, as long as the weather permits.

The idea of bringing her out for walks is to expose her to sunshine and fresh air, so that she can differentiate between day and night.

Day -> Fun and sunshine, milk and butterflies, songs and dance, happy mommy and active baby.

Night-> Snuggle and sleep, lullaby and pillows, huggies and whispers, sleepy baby and contented mommy.

Unfortunately, it is not the case.

Beanie is still waking up at least 2 times a night on good days and on bad days, every freaking 2 hours. Since I am on both day AND night shifts, the sleep deprivation is driving me crazy.

So, a few days ago, I sent out a SOS signal and got my father-in-law (FIL) to help out a bit. My FIL took her out for a walk in her stroller and I immediately jumped to bed, looking forward to an uninterrupted sleep, even if it was just a nap.

There I was, drifting happily to sleep and suddenly I heard... "Waaaaaaah Waaaaaaah Waaaaah" and that was Beanie screaming at the top of her lungs.

I must be dreaming... *ignore*

"Waaaaaah Waaaaah Waaaaaah Waaaaah Waaaaaah "

Geez, that was indeed Beanie and she was wailing at the void deck and since I am staying on the 2nd floor, I could still hear her cry.

Sigh, so I headed down to the void deck below to carry a grumpy Beanie.

So much for an uninterrupted sleep.

I am Super "Maria" or should I say Super "Letticia"?

Now that I am on my own to take care of Beanie both in the day AND night, here's a typical 24 hours for me:

12 am - Mid-night feed for Beanie. She is usually very drowsy around this time, so she will nurse and fall asleep most of the time. No problem here.

3 am - She will wake up and wana nurse but I've noticed that she isn't thaaaaat hungry and most probably just want a comfort suck. After that, she is usually VERY awake and talkative. She will smile and coo at me, and as much as I try my best to ignore her, She will still demand my attention by screaming if I were to ignore her for too long a time. So poor mommy gotta entertain Beanie until she is tired at about 430 am. (0_0)

7 am - Beanie wakes up to nurse again. This time, she will be hungry and will hungrily gulp down her milk and continues to snooze. If I'm not too tired, I will start my day by taking my breakfast, feed Cookie, do the laundry and if I'm lucky, read the papers.

9 am - Beanie wakes up to take her milk again and I'll give her a bath.

10 am - Beanie will be at her cutest by smiling a lot and coos and baby talk to me. For the next 30 mins, it is Motherhood at its best and I am rewarded with a sweet-smelling and happy baby.

11 am - Beanie will take a short nap and I will start preparing my lunch and if I'm lucky, I can have my lunch in peace and take a shower while Beanie continues to nap.

12 pm - Feeding time for Beanie again. After that, I will put her in a baby seat with toys, and on good days, she will spend the next 15-25 mins playing with the toys or happily gnawing at her hands.

1 pm - Beanie will start screaming and wana be carried. On bad days, I will have to carry her and eat my lunch at the same time.

2 pm - Another nap time for Beanie and a nap time for me too. I so need this power nap.

4 pm - Beanie will be awake and on good days, I will take her out for a short walk to take in some fresh air and enjoy some sunshine.

5 pm - Since my mother and mother-in-law are working, my Father-in-law will come over to help out by looking after Beanie so that I can have some "me" time. But it's usually time for me to prepare a simple dinner for myself, keep/fold the laundry, feed Cookie (again) or do some simple housework.

630 pm - Another quick bath for Beanie and a quick feed. Then I will start to put her to bed.

730 pm - Dinner time for me and also another quick shower.

930 pm - Feeding time for Beanie and if she isn't fussy, she will fall asleep and I get to watch some TV, go online or text Hubby. But at times, she is extremely fussy due to a blocked nose or a wet nappy, so I will have to spend the next 30-45 mins pacify her.

1030 am - Beanie should be sleeping by now and it's also time for me to knock out. But before I can go to la-la land, I gotta find Cookie (she is usually hiding in some corner snoozing away) and lock her in the wet kitchen.

12 am - The cycle starts all over again.

Thankfully, my mother, brothers and mother-in-law come over to help whenever they are free so that I can have a break. And I also have a really good and efficient part-time helper who helps me with the heavy housework on every sat.

Being a Stay-at-home-mom (i.e: housewife/maid/babysitter) is not easy!

Some random joys of Motherhood that I've experienced first-hand:

1) Inhaling the sweet "baby smell" that all babies have. Hrm, especially from my own little Beanie girl lah.

2) Getting a million-dollar-grin from Beanie in the middle of the night when I am about to die from exhaustion.

3) When Beanie looks at me in the eye, as if I mean the whole world to her.

4) Having her soft little head resting on my shoulder when I rock her to sleep.

5) Hearing her snore. (which means that I will get to sleep soon, whoopee!)

6) Cutting her small fingernails and marvel at how perfect her little fingers are.

7) Removing an enormous piece of snot from her nose so that she can finally breathe and stop being cranky.

8) Watching her sleep peacefully.

9) Hearing her cute baby coos when I talk to her.

10) Touching her baby soft skin when I give her baby massage.

A letter to Beanie

I am supposed to write this BEFORE Beanie was born but I got busy with my knitting and crochet projects that I completely forgot about it until 5 mins ago. And since the Confinement Lady is entertaining a naughty Beanie, who refuses to nap, I better grab my chance to quickly post this blog before I have to be the one to entertain a naughty Beanie.

Dear Beanie

I am really excited about your arrival, yet at the same time, very afraid. I'm afraid that I'll be a bad mother, who will be so caught up with the whole kiasu-parent-thingy that you will not have the opportunity to enjoy your childhood, to make mistakes (ok, small mistakes) in order to explore who you are and live your life.

So this letter is for you and also for myself, to remind myself that I gotta remember to be a cool mom and set my priorities right.

First on the list, I do not need you to be a straight As student or a president scholar but to be a person with integrity, to have a kind heart, to be compassionate and contribute meaningfully to the society in whatever ways, however small those may be.

Secondly, be passionate. Believe strongly in something. Be it a notion, a hobby, a cause... ... just something. Dare to do what you believe in. Even if Mommy and Daddy might not approve (as long as it is legal and with integrity). If you need inspiration, read the life story of Steve Jobs.

Third, be curious, learn and question. I hope I can instill in you a curiosity about the world, the hunger to learn and question . Life is meaningless if we do not learn something new everyday.

Fourth, do NOT be afraid to start all over. Life will have its ups and downs but when you are down, you must be strong and resilient, pick yourself up and start over. Mommy and Daddy will support you in whatever means that we can, but in event that we aren't around anymore, you must have the strength to start all over again.

Lastly and most importantly, find a good man, love passionately and have beautiful children.

With lots of love,

Mommy

Beanie at 8 weeks

All parents think their kids are the cutest right? I've always told myself to keep my perspective and not be one of those blinded parents who think their daughters are future Miss Universes or sons are future Brad Pitts... ...

But seriously speaking... ... isn't my Beanie a total knock-out? ;P

Best gift to Beanie as parents: A strong and loving marriage

I was clearing some old files in my computer when I came across the folder that contained all my wedding pictures, feeling rather nostalgic, I opened it up and began to look through the photos.

Then it hit me that ever since Beanie was born, Hub and I haven't spent any quality time together. It doesn't help that he is still based in HK and only flies back home every 2 to 3 weeks for the weekends, and whenever he is back, he will be busy running errands such as buying groceries or baby items for Beanie.

And now that Beanie is taking so much of my time, we don't even have time to call each other. On good days, we're lucky if we can Facetime for 10 mins.

To make matters worse, Hub has just been rotated to another department, which bankers work, on average 70-100 hours A WEEK, inclusive of weekends.

Me, being rather overwhelmed as a new mother, hasn't been the best of mood either. So, we ended up snapping at each most of the time IF we happen to Facetime. So much so that, I don't even feel like talking nowadays... ... ...

Looking at these wedding pictures again reminded myself that we, as a couple must put in effort to keep the romance and love alive in our marriage, but with the baby, work commitments and stress, housework ... etc, it is just so darn difficult.

Hopefully things will get better when Hub is back for good. Another 3-4 mths to go... ...

Beanie... doesn't sleep

Now that Beanie is approaching 6 weeks, she is becoming really fussy and doesn't nap well in the day, and when that happens, she doesn't sleep well at nights either.

I decided to post some pictures of sleepy Beanie to tell myself that one day, Beanie will sleep through the night.

Meanwhile, I gotta run off now because Beanie is screaming AGAIN, most probably due to the fact that she is overtired and doesn't know how to soothe herself to sleep.

Ugh.

*panda eyes*

Getting Cold Feet

Currently I still have the confinement nanny with me because I've booked her for 2 months and she has bought me some precious me-time, where I can post my blog, read other blogs, check out facebook, go marketing (my only exercise for now), shower in peace and do some gardening.

But the nanny is leaving in 2 weeks time and I begin to dread the day that I'm going to face a screaming Beanie ALONE 24-7 without hubby or anyone's help...

*shivering in fear*

My mother has agreed to come over and help out for a week, but after that it will just be Beanie and me. If you guys don't see me updating my blog, then I must be totally swamped and barely alive... ...

May the force be with me!

Beanie is one month old!

Here's a photo of Beanie when she was a month old, just a few days ago.

What I've observed about Beanie:

-> She has a feisty temper. Textbooks call these babies "spirited"... for example, she really enjoys her bath time and she will make happy faces while taking a bath. But when I remove her from her tiny bathtub, she will SCREAM. Not cry... but a scream "WAHHHHHHHHH!!!" to show her displeasure and trying to tell me "hey Mom, I still wana bathe, put me back in the nice, warm water NOW!" And of course, I will ignore her and very quickly, her screams will escalate into cries.

-> She is very impatient. When she wants her milk, she wants it NOW, and of course she shows that by screaming. According to my confinement nanny, some babies are more patient, they will just making suckling noises or keep opening their mouths to indicate their hunger. Not Beanie, she just screams, then of course that will also escalates into cries of hunger AND anger in seconds.

-> She is a strong girl for her age. When I took her to her pediatrician for a quick check on her blocked tear ducts in her left eye, she could actually STAND on the baby bed (with the doc holding her by her armpits) when the doctor wanted her to be in a sitting position. Doc was like "Look at her! Barely 3 wks and she can stand!" *clueless mommy just stared at Beanie*

-> She can do advance calculus. (Ok, I'm kidding) Hahahaha...

I don't think I've mentioned before, but Beanie's real name is Nicolette.

I still call her Beanie most of the time. Heh...

My plans after maternity leave... ...

4 months of entitled maternity leave and I'm now left with 3 months or so... Time flies when you have a baby! Hrm... except when the baby is screaming away at 3 am, then every 5 mins seem like 5 hours...

Anyway, many have asked what's my plan after the 4 months of leave and my answer is: I'll look after Beanie at home until she is 12 - 14 months old, then I'll return to the work force and Beanie will then go to Infant care.

So, I'll be a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) for a year or so. On one hand, I feel very blessed and lucky to have Hub's support, yet on the other hand, the thought of losing my financial independence kinda scares me a bit... ...

I do have some plans to set up a blogshop to generate some income but I wonder how realistic is that for me to take care of a baby (without a maid) AND run a small blog shop. Hub has suggested that we should just hire a domestic helper to do household chores while I can concentrate on Beanie and hopefully, a blogshop.

But I really do NOT like the idea of having a stranger in the house, plus the fact that we do not have a spare room for a maid anyway. That means that the maid will have to sleep with Beanie in the nursery, which I am fine with since Beanie is still so young. Although I do prefer Beanie to have her own room... ...

Or am I just being stubborn and stupid and too hard on my myself?

My Poor Cookie

Now that I am always so busy with Beanie, I really do not have time for Cookie at all. Cookie camped outside my bedroom for 2 days when I first returned from the hospital, but I barely had the time to stroke and shower any attention on her. It was heartbreaking... ... I really felt very very guilty.

After a while, cookie must have realized that she is no longer the baby of the house and being the independent cat, she began to spend less time over at our place and spend her time prowling the void deck once again. She would still come over for dinner and she still sleep over at nights, but she no longer follows me like a puppy, like she used to.

Sigh.

Thankfully, Cookie is a popular cat at our block, and she has many other godmothers and godfathers who dote on her, and feed her as well. So, at least I know she is still being well taken care of.

Nonetheless, I really still love Cookie a lot.

Little Beanie at 2 weeks old

Now I am one of those annoying mums that keep talking about their babies, post pictures of their babies and basically, go gaga about their babies.

But then again, that's all I do everyday. My life just evolves around Beanie right now... the day is defined by Beanie's feeding schedule, nap times and poo poo times.

Although my heart is bursting with love for my little Beanie, I do miss my old life. I miss the times where I can go to the gym, wear nice clothes to work, bake muffins and little cakes, play with Cookie, gardening... etc.

Now, Beanie is taking all my time. I'm not exactly complaining because I know that as Beanie grows older, I WILL get my life back... ...

So, I better cherish the time when Beanie is still a baby!