Failed choco pear cake

I started baking again... yay! The cake above looks good right? Unfortunately it didn't taste good. ;(

I had some friends over for dinner a few weeks back and I happened to have 2 very ripe, soft and juicy pears sitting in the fridge, so i thought of baking a chocolate pear pudding cake. I have done this cake twice before and both times turned out delicious.

However, this time round, I did not have some of the ingredients: self-raising flour, milk ... etc. But I had plain flour. Eh... no milk, but maybe I could put more eggs and melted butter instead?

I thought to myself: how bad could a chocolate cake be? And so I experimented.

Result: Epic fail. The cake did not rise, it was too oily (too much butter!) and dense.

My friends were too polite and nice to reject the cake and all of them ate their portions. I felt so bad to serve my guests a horrible cake. ;(

No more experimenting!

Beanie is 5 months old!

"Hmmm... is this purple too? Just like my t-shirt..."

"Heh Heh, I am finally strong enough to bring down the Baby-Gym! Wahaha..."

"Since I'm at it, I might as well take a bite... nom, nom, nom"

"Sofie the Giraffe's head is so yummy... nibble nibble nibble"

My little Beanie is 5 months old already! She is really cute and playful now, I am so enjoying my time with her. A little update on her milestones:

1) She is a drooling champion. I have to change 5-7 bibs a day... she can soak a bib in about 2 hours. Geez... I wonder whether she gets thirsty from all these drools.

2) She can flip from her back to her stomach on both sides, turn 360 degrees and crawl backwards!

3) She can sit unsupported on her own for 5 seconds ... and then topple over.

4) She can grasp her toys and shove them into her mouth under 3 seconds. Previously, she doesn't seem to know where exactly is her mouth.

5) She knows how to hold her feet when I'm changing her diapers, which is very convenient for me to clean her and apply the diaper cream.

In another month's time, I will introduce solids to her. I can't wait to see her munching away!

3rd wedding anniversary

After all these years, Hub still surprised me with a bunch of flowers on our anniversary. He has gotten the florist to send the flowers to the restaurant. So imagine my surprise when I saw the roses on the table that we were supposed to dine.

The flowers really caught me by surprise and I was really touched. I have known Hub for 17 years (scary right?!) and been together as a couple for 11 years. He isn't exactly the romantic sort and we have gotten so used to each other that, sometimes we kinda take each other for granted.

However, this bunch of roses jolted me awake and I reminded myself that we gotta make an effort to keep the romance alive...

Thanks Hub, Happy Anniversary and I feel very loved!

2011 to 2012

I’ve been thinking about the past 1 year and all that it has brought, and before I hurl myself into the new year, It's time to reflect upon the past 1 year, and what a year it had been!

The arrival of my first child has got to be one of the most eventful times in my life. From the first trimester complications, to the almost miscarriage in Hong Kong and the eventual birth. The whole journey was unforgettable. Sometimes, I still cannot believe that I have a pretty little baby girl in my arms and I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of love I have for her. No one tells you how much your perspective of the world changes when you become a Mother. Well, perhaps they do but it’s also something you just cannot imagine until you’re actually there. And once you become a mom, there's no turning back. Now I simply cannot imagine life without my daughter, to watch her grow and being there for her when she needs me.

Previously I have decided to be a stay-at-home-mom for the next 1 year to look after Beanie on my own, but after weighing the pros and cons, my current decision is to find a job that allows flexible work schedule and yet, be closely related to finance. So, I thinking of being a Financial Advisor and I am currently meeting people and going for recruitment talks to consider my options. Hopefully I can start in March or April this year. The plan is to work from home most of the time, and going to office in the mornings when necessary.

So who is going to take care of Beanie while I am at work? A friend's mother who is staying just a few blocks away, have tentatively agreed to be Beanie's babysitter. We have to sort the schedule after the Chinese New Year. Hopefully it will all work out.

And finally, Hubby will be back home for good! Yay Yay Yay! He will be relocating back to Singapore in a week's time, and I am most relieved and glad. Finally the father and daughter can bond on a daily basis. ;)

I'm entering 2012 with a lot of excitement. I'm looking forward to Beanie growing up and witnessing her milestones, from her first crawl, first tooth and her first steps. A new career awaiting for me, which I hope will work out, and more family time with hubby

Financial Planning for Beanie

Little Beanie in the bumbo chair, happily chewing her toys.

Firstly, I think I forgot to mention that I have passed the CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst) Level 3 exam back in June 2011! To think of it, I was almost 7 months pregnant with Beanie and with that stomach, I sat through a grueling 6 hours exam. My whole body was almost cramping with pain after sitting and scribbling non-stop for that 6 hours.

Thankfully, I passed! So technically, upon application and approval from the CFA Institute, I can then rightfully add the title of "CFA" in my name card. With that qualification, I hope to either negotiate for a higher pay or find a better paying job.

Then I quit my job to become a full-time mom. (0_0")

And after reading Ting's blog about the cost of foreign tertiary education for her sons, I started punching my calculator for the amount that I need to squirrel away for my Beanie's education fund. And the amount is no joke if I were to factor in inflation and the higher cost of living in the future.

So, I assume that Beanie can study at a local university and I aim to set aside $100,000, excluding Hub's contribution. Instead of an endowment plan or saving plan, I intend to invest in equities.

I will buy minimum one lot (1000 shares) of a Singapore blue-chip company for Beanie every year, and so long Singapore prospers, that blue chip should clock in decent capital gains, as well as cumulative dividend income in 18 years time.

Since this is Beanie's education fund, I must pick a stock that has very stable recurring profits to pay recurring dividends, and yet at the same time, has the potential for growth and capital gains.

I personally will pick SPH -> Singapore Press Holdings. Why? Because:

1) To invest in SPH is to invest in Singapore, ie: the country's population growth, and the government's commitment to make Singapore a vibrant city. Thus in turn will spur growth in retail, housing, F&B, cultural activities... etc, which will ultimately increase SPH's advertisements , its main source of income. SPH basically has a monopoly control in the mass media industry in Singapore. Even in times of recession, advertisements usually remain relatively stable, so SPH should remain profitable.

2) SPH owns Paragon and the newly completed Clementi Mall. Both malls are situated in excellent locations and enjoy very good traffic. I believe in time to come, SPH will buy or build another 1 or 2 shopping malls and ultimately sells these malls to a REIT (Real Estate Investment Trust) to cash out from its investments and hopefully declare a special dividend to its shareholders!

3) SPH is also a property developer, it's newest completed property: Sky@eleven was sold out. However, as this is a non-core unit, I will not be surprise if SPH eventually carve out its property development unit and list it as a subsidiary.

4) High dividend yield. SPH has been paying about $0.25 per share of dividends for the past few years, which translate to about 5-6% yield. Most endowment or saving plans only pay about 2-4% of annual yield, and without any potential for capital gains.

So, if I were to start investing in 1 lot of SPH per year for the next 18 years, assuming a modest annual gain of 4.5% (inclusive of dividends), my 18 lots should eventually net me $99,364.

And remember that Singapore does not tax capital gains nor dividend income. ;)

Current share price of SPH: $3.66. So, by saving about $300-$400 a month, I will be able to buy a lot of SPH after a year. Of course, as the share price increases, I will have to save more in order to buy 1 lot, however the dividend will help to offset the cost.

So hopefully SPH will eventually fund Beanie's education to Harvard! ;p

Nursing Strike

In preparation for my return to office to serve the 1 month notice, I have gotten my confinement nanny back to take care of Beanie, and have also started to give her bottles of expressed breast milk while I am away.

This naughty little girl has now taken a liking to bottles and is now rejecting my boobs!

This is VERY bad news to a stay-home mom who has no help in the house. I simply do not have the time to wash, sterilize, pump and then feed her via a bottle. So now, I have to train Beanie to latch all over again.

Feeding time is now a battle of wits. Instead of letting her cry it out, I have to try all sorts of tactics to "seduce" Beanie to latch again...

Plan A

Let Beanie suckle when she is in a drowsy state, which means that I have to watch Beanie like a hawk. As soon as she is waking up from her nap, I have to immediately stuff my boob into her mouth before she realizes what exactly is going on. The challenge comes when she is hungry AND sleepy, then she will be extremely fussy and will cry and scream for the bottle. That will bring me to Plan B.

Plan B

Try to latch her while both of us are lying on the bed. I've to pretend that I'm playing peek-a-boo with her, and while she is happily laughing away, I'll stuff my boob into her mouth. Unfortunately, the success rate of Plan B is only about 15%.

Plan C

When Plan B fails, then Plan C is to fish out my iPhone, play nurseries or songs and place the phone in my bra. With the phone in my bra, Beanie will at least face my boobs and I'll then try to sneak my boob into her mouth. Once again, Plan C only works like 2% so far.

Plan D

By now, Beanie is usually VERY angry, fussy, sleepy and hungry and it is now a contest of who blinks first. I will rock her vigorously until she stops crying and most probably giddy from motion sickness until she either fall asleep and then I can proceed to Plan A, or I cave in and give her a bottle of 40 ml of breast milk (she usually drinks at least 140 ml) to pacify her.

To exercise Plan A - Plan D, 4 times a day is no joke. Yes, I am seriously considering the InfantCare 2 blocks away now! Argh!

A mother's dilemma

Ok... I take it all back. In my earlier post, I asked how do full time working moms bear to leave their babies at homes with maids or at Infantcare. Just into the first day in office, I was already re-considering the Infantcare a few blocks away, and the notion of being away from Beanie for a few hours at a time, is becoming more and more appealing... ... ...

Taking care of Beanie full time is actually much harder than my current job. Now that I'm back in office, I enjoy dressing up in the morning, chit-chatting with fellow colleagues (you can only coo at a baby for so long without feeling stupid) and shopping during lunch.

I am really enjoying my new found freedom, and that's because I have a reliable caregiver at home now. I do not have to worry about Beanie because I know that she is in good hands.

Sigh, as much as I love Beanie. I enjoy working too. Previously, I've always thought that being a SAHM is a privilege. Now I understand why being a SAHM is considered a "sacrifice" instead.

Anyway, I've already tendered and my last day will be on this friday! Woohoo!

Beanie's "Ah Goo" moments

Just when Beanie is becoming really cute and fun to play with, my 4 months of maternity leave is up and I'll be heading back to office on Monday! But as I have decided to be a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom) for the next 1 year, I'll be tendering my resignation on the very first day back in office. Hmmm... I wonder how my boss and the HR department will react to that. Unless I can take a no-pay leave for the next 1 year, my resignation will be final.

Currently, I've gotten my confinement nanny back for the next 4 weeks to take care of Beanie while I'm back to work. The thought of leaving cute little Beanie at home is already making me sad. How do those full-time working moms do it? How do they bear to leave their little ones at home with maids? Even if it's my own mother taking care of Beanie, I'll also be very sad with the idea of being away from my little pumpkin for 8-10 hours a day.

Although Beanie does drive me crazy with her fussiness and cries most of the time, but as long as she flashes me her giggling smiles and "ah goos", I'll be filled with love for this little moving bug and wana drown her with kisses and protect her forever. Well.... at least until her next bouts of fussiness that drive me crazy all over again.

Dear little Beanie, you must remember that Mommy loves you very much ok?

Beanie's Closet

I made a headband and some clips for my friend's baby girl, but I can't resist getting Beanie to model for me. Haha... but my model needs more hair!

If I were to start a blogshop selling headbands and hair clips, I will brand the shop "Beanie's Closet". ;)

Something to think about!

Sleep Training Part 2Little Beanie having some tummy time.

So, as I have mentioned in my previous post, I have started Beanie on sleep training, and the first night went well.

That was just a fluke. For the next 4 nights, I think I'm the one who is being sleep trained, ie: how to survive with less than 4 hours of sleep at night. It was so bad that I was having a constant headache during the days and was on the verge of running out of my house and to let Beanie cry and fuss at nights... ...

The 2nd night was the worst, she kept me up from 2.30 am till 5 am. Thankfully Hub was around during the weekend and I managed to nap in the day. Things are s-l-o-w-l-y getting better, for example, last night she still woke up twice in the night, but she only fussed for 15 mins at about 2 am without any feed, and at 5 am, I decided to give her a quick feed and she went back to sleep immediately after that.

I really do hope that she can clock at least 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep soon, so that my headache and eye bags can finally disappear for good!

Home alone with Beanie

Although I am Beanie's main (more like the ONLY) caregiver, I cannot possibly carry her all the time. However, Beanie's attention span in her baby gym is about 10 mins on good days, and more often than not, 10 seconds.

So I usually end up either putting her in a sling and sling her around while I do my housework or put in her stroller and push the stroller around the flat.

Guess these are better alternatives than a screaming baby. Sometimes I wonder whether am I spoiling her by slinging her around all the time. Hmmm, textbooks call this method "attached parenting". According to my mom, I'm spoiling her rotten. But my mom is not the one who has to deal with a screaming baby 24/7 ALONE. So, I'll do whatever it takes to save my sanity.

Anyway, I started sleep training for the 3rd time last night. The first 2 attempts failed miserably where I had to deal with a screaming Beanie for 2 solid hours ALONE at 3 am in the morning. After 2 traumatic nights , I simply do not have the courage to try again until last night.

I noticed that Beanie now has the capacity to sleep up to 6 hours at a time, but she will still wake up at 2-3 am for a comfort suck. So last night, I refused to nurse her and gave her a bottle of water and pacifier instead.

Of course, she was angry and screamed as usual, but after 30 mins (just when I was just about to give in), she started to whimper and within minutes, she actually dozed off.

WHOOHOO!

She then woke up at 6 am, gulped my milk and happily made cute "ah-goos" until about 8 am, and dozed off again.

I will stick to this sleep training routine and hopefully she can start to sleep through the night from 730 pm to 6 am.

Wish me luck!

Pictures Galore!

Beanie was about 2.5 weeks in the above pictures.

Beanie at 1 month

I found a free app that allows me to make picture collages via my iPhone. So guess what have I been doing for the whole of this afternoon? ;)

Looking at all these pictures made me realize how much Beanie has grown... and in less than a month's time, I will be back in office. I'm going to so miss my little Beanie!

If I were a boy... ...

I thought Beanie looks quite girly with her big, pretty and expressive eyes... but every time I bring Beanie out, in her PINK romper, PINK booties and PINK mittens (without her signature headband though), I still have strangers coming up to me "ahh, so cute, boy huh?"

Eh... Auntie, already all pink, and you think my daughter is still a boy??!!

So, being rather bored this morning, I put a blue beanie hat on Beanie and see whether does she look like a boy...

Hmmm. Haha, she does look like a boy huh?

Beanie likes dressing up

Hub bought a few pretty dresses for Beanie from H&M and we had a good time dressing our little doll.

Ahh... the joy of having little baby girls.

As for Beanie, she definitely enjoys the attention whenever we go gaga over her newest outfits. ;)

Professional pictures from D

A dear and talented friend, D came over for dinner and being shameless me, kept bugging him to take some pictures of Beanie because he's a really good photographer!

Ahhh... such beautiful photos!

Beanie and me

Took me quite a few shots to finally get her to look at my iPhone. First mother and daughter picture! ;)

Uninterrupted Sleep... ... Yeah, right.

That's a picture of Beanie when we went for our very first walk in the stroller. She enjoyed the walk a lot, so much so that I'm trying to make a point to go for a walk everyday, as long as the weather permits.

The idea of bringing her out for walks is to expose her to sunshine and fresh air, so that she can differentiate between day and night.

Day -> Fun and sunshine, milk and butterflies, songs and dance, happy mommy and active baby.

Night-> Snuggle and sleep, lullaby and pillows, huggies and whispers, sleepy baby and contented mommy.

Unfortunately, it is not the case.

Beanie is still waking up at least 2 times a night on good days and on bad days, every freaking 2 hours. Since I am on both day AND night shifts, the sleep deprivation is driving me crazy.

So, a few days ago, I sent out a SOS signal and got my father-in-law (FIL) to help out a bit. My FIL took her out for a walk in her stroller and I immediately jumped to bed, looking forward to an uninterrupted sleep, even if it was just a nap.

There I was, drifting happily to sleep and suddenly I heard... "Waaaaaaah Waaaaaaah Waaaaah" and that was Beanie screaming at the top of her lungs.

I must be dreaming... *ignore*

"Waaaaaah Waaaaah Waaaaaah Waaaaah Waaaaaah "

Geez, that was indeed Beanie and she was wailing at the void deck and since I am staying on the 2nd floor, I could still hear her cry.

Sigh, so I headed down to the void deck below to carry a grumpy Beanie.

So much for an uninterrupted sleep.

I am Super "Maria" or should I say Super "Letticia"?

Now that I am on my own to take care of Beanie both in the day AND night, here's a typical 24 hours for me:

12 am - Mid-night feed for Beanie. She is usually very drowsy around this time, so she will nurse and fall asleep most of the time. No problem here.

3 am - She will wake up and wana nurse but I've noticed that she isn't thaaaaat hungry and most probably just want a comfort suck. After that, she is usually VERY awake and talkative. She will smile and coo at me, and as much as I try my best to ignore her, She will still demand my attention by screaming if I were to ignore her for too long a time. So poor mommy gotta entertain Beanie until she is tired at about 430 am. (0_0)

7 am - Beanie wakes up to nurse again. This time, she will be hungry and will hungrily gulp down her milk and continues to snooze. If I'm not too tired, I will start my day by taking my breakfast, feed Cookie, do the laundry and if I'm lucky, read the papers.

9 am - Beanie wakes up to take her milk again and I'll give her a bath.

10 am - Beanie will be at her cutest by smiling a lot and coos and baby talk to me. For the next 30 mins, it is Motherhood at its best and I am rewarded with a sweet-smelling and happy baby.

11 am - Beanie will take a short nap and I will start preparing my lunch and if I'm lucky, I can have my lunch in peace and take a shower while Beanie continues to nap.

12 pm - Feeding time for Beanie again. After that, I will put her in a baby seat with toys, and on good days, she will spend the next 15-25 mins playing with the toys or happily gnawing at her hands.

1 pm - Beanie will start screaming and wana be carried. On bad days, I will have to carry her and eat my lunch at the same time.

2 pm - Another nap time for Beanie and a nap time for me too. I so need this power nap.

4 pm - Beanie will be awake and on good days, I will take her out for a short walk to take in some fresh air and enjoy some sunshine.

5 pm - Since my mother and mother-in-law are working, my Father-in-law will come over to help out by looking after Beanie so that I can have some "me" time. But it's usually time for me to prepare a simple dinner for myself, keep/fold the laundry, feed Cookie (again) or do some simple housework.

630 pm - Another quick bath for Beanie and a quick feed. Then I will start to put her to bed.

730 pm - Dinner time for me and also another quick shower.

930 pm - Feeding time for Beanie and if she isn't fussy, she will fall asleep and I get to watch some TV, go online or text Hubby. But at times, she is extremely fussy due to a blocked nose or a wet nappy, so I will have to spend the next 30-45 mins pacify her.

1030 am - Beanie should be sleeping by now and it's also time for me to knock out. But before I can go to la-la land, I gotta find Cookie (she is usually hiding in some corner snoozing away) and lock her in the wet kitchen.

12 am - The cycle starts all over again.

Thankfully, my mother, brothers and mother-in-law come over to help whenever they are free so that I can have a break. And I also have a really good and efficient part-time helper who helps me with the heavy housework on every sat.

Being a Stay-at-home-mom (i.e: housewife/maid/babysitter) is not easy!

Some random joys of Motherhood that I've experienced first-hand:

1) Inhaling the sweet "baby smell" that all babies have. Hrm, especially from my own little Beanie girl lah.

2) Getting a million-dollar-grin from Beanie in the middle of the night when I am about to die from exhaustion.

3) When Beanie looks at me in the eye, as if I mean the whole world to her.

4) Having her soft little head resting on my shoulder when I rock her to sleep.

5) Hearing her snore. (which means that I will get to sleep soon, whoopee!)

6) Cutting her small fingernails and marvel at how perfect her little fingers are.

7) Removing an enormous piece of snot from her nose so that she can finally breathe and stop being cranky.

8) Watching her sleep peacefully.

9) Hearing her cute baby coos when I talk to her.

10) Touching her baby soft skin when I give her baby massage.