Why am I blogging?

Yesterday, I mentioned to a friend that I keep a blog... not a well-maintained one, especially when compared to other more established bloggers. Looking at my blog, it is actually quite boring, as I do not have any cool links or pop-up dancing babies. Not to mention that it is in a hideous shade of pink. (Whether you like it or not, pink happens to be one of my favorite colours)

And I have asked myself many times, “why the shit am I still blogging?” Since not many people read my blog except for a few friends.

Ahhh... that’s right. FRIENDS.

I continue to blog because I want to share with them what has been going on in my life. Although things can get pretty stale but at least there is this common platform where I can post my thoughts and share a little part of me.

This can be rather crucial since some of my friends are not in Singapore and blogs have, thus become to be a form of communicating.

Instead of frequent emailing, we can now check out each other’s blog and update each other.

So, my friends... please let me know if you’ll like to share your blog and life with me.

Oh, another thing, for those who will like to contact me via the blog, please clink on the link: “View my complete profile” and you will see “email”.

I have yet to figure out how to add a “leave a comment” link to my blog and thus, require this roundabout way.

In one way or another, I hope my blog has reached its objective, and that is to share my life with all of you, no matter where you are.

Feeling down…

I think I woke up at the wrong side of the bed this morning… I am feeling down for no rhythm or reason. And it’s not that time of the month either. (In fact, it’s nowhere even close)

I feel trapped… (again!) Is it only me who find Singapore stifling? I have this constant urge to travel, to get out of this country, to walk down unfamiliar streets, to smell exotic fumes, smile to strangers and experience the wonder of being in a strange and foreign land.

“Go to Little India on Sundays then,” said my friend. “You'll think you are really in India.””

“Yah… thanks, man” I replied drily.

Although I do not deny that there are indeed some exciting stuff to do in Singapore during weekends, such as in-door rock climbing at Keppel Towers (just got to know about that! Fancy a climb in the CBD of Singapore?), soaking in an outdoor Jacuzzi at MK-8 in Sentosa or visiting a goat farm in Lim Chu Kang.

Despite of the numerous “interesting” activities in Singapore (believe it or not!) but I simply yearn for a getaway…

I can always go for short getaway in near-by countries, such as Malaysia, Thailand or Hong Kong. But if I were to spend my hard earned money on these short getaways, I will not have much left for my long getaway…

Argh… At this point of life, I wish I am bloody loaded where money is NOT an issue and I am free to go wherever I desire…

Guess it’s time to buy toto, 4D or any form of lottery and pray that I am lucky for just once in my life. I am not greedy… just a $5000 win will make me very, very happy.

Sigh.

Back from the Sun, Sand and the Sea.

Yup… I have been back for a week now. A little more tanned, with a few more mosquito bites on my legs (what’s a few “stars” to my galaxy of bites and scars) and an addiction to adventure.

F.Y.I, the diving trip was absolutely fantastic! Saw a lot of fishes (duh…), COOL species such as the Napoleon Wrasse, porcupine fish, nurse sharks, moray eels, puffer fish… I can go on and on. To think of it, since I am such a “suaku” diver, anything with gills and stays underwater will be classified as a cool specie.

And once again, I have made some new discoveries about myself:

1) I still can’t dive for nuts.
Although I do not have a problem descending and equalizing, I definitely have a problem with my breathing, my buoyancy and fining. Guess, I will have to go for more dive trips to improve on my diving skills! But first, I will need to buy some of the personal equipments first. As mentioned by my diving master, “Cannot dive, never mind… but make sure you look good!”

2) I can’t wait to travel again
I have a problem… I am bitten by the travel bug. Antidote: Get out of Singapore at least once a quarter. This is really crucial since Singapore is soooo small. But thankfully, budget airlines in Asia are slowly (but surely!) taking off, which stands for cheaper air travel! Yoohoo!

So… I am planning a backpacking trip to Vietnam in September! I can’t wait!

Check out the nurse shark and the little red fish hiding under the rock! Picture is taken at Dive Site - Temple of the Sea, Perhentian Island. Malaysia.

Scuba!

Last night, I went for a pool session - refresher diving course, in order to brush up my diving skills before hitting the open sea in East Malaysia in the coming long weekend.

Things I have learnt about myself:

1) I am not as thin as I thought.
I borrowed some diving equipments from a close girlfriend of mine, and was trying out her equipments – wetsuit, mask, snorkel and fins. To my horror, I had such a hard time squeezing into her wetsuit that I thought her suit was going to burst. And all along, I though she is more “voluptuous” than me. ARGH…. I am dead wrong. Time to fast till Friday….

2) Diving is more stressful than I could remember.
I have not dived for 5 years ever since I got my license… and that’s a long time for a novice diver like me. So I have completely forgotten how to dive and last night I was running (or should I say splashing) around like a mad monkey. Checking of equipments, blowing of bubbles, getting equalized under water and maintaining of my buoyancy are all tough business! Did someone say diving is relaxing???!!!

3) Fair skin is NOT in vogue

I stuck out like a sore thumb last night. Among all the tanned, toned bikini babes… I looked sickly with my fair skin and sagging tummy. Argh…. Can’t wait to tone up and get a tan!

Yup… other than these discoveries about myself (more like disappointments actually), I had fun last night! I love the feeling of being underwater… I love the silence and of course, I can’t wait to see some fishes/sharks/turtles and try my luck to find Nemo. ;)

Can’t wait to dive in Perhentian this weekend!

Yup... Chio is wearing pink. And yup... I put my rainbow bag on my head. But this is not what you think it is... He is NOT gay!

Am I demanding or what?

Having a issue with my beloved: I am into Salsa but my beloved is not, so for the past 3 months or so, I have been going to my salsa classes alone, salsa bars alone and salsa parties alone.

In the beginning, I was very unhappy with him, in fact, more than unhappy. I was down right PISSED. How could that donkey (I meant my beloved) be so unsupportive of my passion? I have always been crazy about dancing, and this time round, I am very serious about mastering salsa, but he was totally oblivious to my pleas to come down to salsa bars and check out my sexy, groovy moves that I have learnt in class.

Now, I am (in a sense, in a certain pathetic sense) glad of this arrangement, I am pleased with the fact that I have widen my social circle and know many friends with the same passion for salsa. I am delighted with the fact that I can dance with cute guys without any disapproving glares and basically enjoy myself without Mr Grumpy Donkey (I meant my beloved again) buzzing around.

Previously, my salsa friends would asked me “hey, where’s your boyfriend?” and I’m like “Oh… he’s not interested in salsa” and people will then give me this sympathetic glare…. As if they were saying “Awww… the long suffering girlfriend, and the boyfriend does not even love her enough to learn salsa with her”

Yah, shut up. I do not need you to rub salt into my wound…

So, we have argued many times regarding to this matter and it has always boil down to him saying “I do not force you into doing anything you do not like, so why are you doing this to me now?”

Fine. I have been an idiot. No more tagging along to driving ranges to drive myself to boredom with golf. No more tagging along to wine classes and dinners, instead I should really have spent my money on salsa classes. No more mingling with his friends… especially those I have totally no interest in.

He has taken my presence for granted and I will not let that happen again.

Philippines Dried Mangoes… THE BEST!

Have been munching on some dried mangoes, brought to me by my dearest friend, Chio from the Philippines. They are sooooooo good, I can't stop eating. Yummy!

By the way, please do not get confused. My friend, Chio is a guy and he is not “chio”.

Chio (in Singapore context) – means pretty. It’s slang, usually used together with “bu”. So you have “Chiobu”, which means, “pretty girl”.

Chio (in AIESEC context) – he is a really cool trainee, whom I got to know when I was in New York.

Anyway… he visited Singapore for two days and basically we had fun hanging out (or at least I did!) together with another 2 Indonesian trainees.

What I have learnt about Singapore through my non-Singaporean friends:
1) Singapore is indeed f**king hot, how the hell can Singaporeans deal with the heat and humidity?
(We don’t… I seriously don’t think Singapore can function without air-con)

2) Singapore is indeed small, why the hell do Singaporeans need cars?
(I think it’s the heat… we need to sit in cars to blast our air-con. Although public transport is also air-conditioned in Singapore… but nothing beat having your very OWN air-con. That is why we need cars.)

3) Singaporeans lovvvveeee to eat and shop, what the hell do Singaporeans do besides eating and shopping?
(It’s too hot to do anything else in Singapore besides dinning in air-conditioned restaurants or food centers. As for shopping, well… you can’t expect us to just stand around in malls to enjoy the air-con and NOT shop. That’s just impossible.)

So, in conclusion, Singapore is too damn bloody frying hot.

p/s: I like the new ad by coke… a bunch of young people piling up ice (into a little slope) along the beach and “ice-board” down, eventually splashing into the sea. Cool huh?

p.p/s: Has anyone been to the Snow City in Singapore? I need a place to escape from the heat… …

p.p.p/s: Has anyone heard about the Eski Bar in Tanjong Pagar? The bar is supposed to be so cold… you can wear your mink coat, skiing hat and snow boots all at the same time. I need a nightspot to escape from the heat… …

Salsa!

Are you into salsa? No… I am not referring to salsa sauce but Salsa dancing! Yup… you might realize that more and more young people are taking up salsa. Salsa is the IN thing now! Yeah!

Latin dances like Cha Cha, Salsa and Rumba are not longer just for retirees or uncles-aunties who dance in community centers. (Nothing against uncles and aunties though)
Now, you will see really sexy, gorgeous and sensual ladies strutting their salsa moves in salsa bars and men… hrm, nice men dancing around also lah.

I was first introduced to Salsa around 2 years ago when I was in New York. Salsa dancing is pretty big in the States and that many fellow colleagues and trainees were from Latin America, so naturally hopping into salsa clubs and bars was inevitable and that was how I fell in love with Salsa.

Some of you might know that I am very into dancing. Yup… love dancing. Was doing some Hip Hop and funk, did a little of jazz, but unfortunately did not have the time and cash to continue my passion for jazz.

Anyway, back to salsa… due to limited monetary resources (I was just a poor trainee), I did not attend proper salsa classes and thus, did not pick up proper salsa till around 5 months ago.

So ever since last December 04, I attended salsa classes with “ Two Left Feet” – Dance School. The instructors are a bunch of dedicated teachers, who are ever so willing to teach and improve their students’ moves. Not forgetting to mention that the 2 female instructors are so HOT, HOT, HOT and male instructors are simply yummy… …

For some eye candy, as well as to know more about this dance school, check out this link:

http://www.two-leftfeet.com/

Boeing Boeing!

Watched this play last Friday, 22 April 2005 and had quite a good laugh! For those who are unfamiliar, Boeing Boeing is a drama from Wild Rice Production and already had its original run about 2 years ago. So, this was actually its second run and the very last show was on last Saturday.

Plot - About a man who has 3 girlfriends, who are air stewardesses. Miss SIA, Miss Cathay Pacific and Miss JAL, and how he got out this sticky situation when all 3 of them were stuck in Singapore due to technical problems at the airport.

Miss SIA – Typical Singapore Ah Lian. She was so loud and irritating and her singlish was giving me a headache… I hate ah lians. Esp pretty ah lians.

Miss Cathay Pacific – Favourite character in the play! She is so funny (acted by Pam Oei) and her Hong Kong accent was sending me into fits of laughter. The moment she opened her mouth, I started laughing… Just like dat.

Miss JAL – very act cute… (okok… she was very cute though) Sorry, I don’t like girls who ACBC (Act Cute Buay Cute)… even if they are really very cute. But her Japanese accent was indeed very convincing.

All in all, it was an enjoyable play… nothing mind-boggling where one would reflect upon oneself, but something light and hilarious. It was a stress-reliever. Good for a Friday night.

Oh… there was a good joke in the play:

Miss SIA: Do you know what is so great about Singapore?

Robert (This suaku boy from Kuching, Malaysia, friend of Miss SIA’s boyfriend): Hrm… democracy???

Miss SIA (very worked up): Are you trying to be funny???!!!!

Haha. I hope I will not get arrested for posting that joke.

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O yah, another thing: Singapore Art Festival 2005 - The Season of Brilliance.

Ok… this deserves another blog but since I am already writing one… …

Took a look at this year’s programs, as well as the design of the pamphlet, I must say that I am pretty impressed.

Two performances caught my eye:
1) Swan Lake from the Royal Ballet (UK)
2) “Yao Jing” (which means Evil Spirits in Chinese)

Swan Lake – No introduction required. Although I have already watched Swan Lake before in New York, performed by the ABT (American Ballet Theatre). It was marvelous! As expected, everything from costumes, choreography to the props and the backdrop of each scene were super-nice and super-drama-mama. Definitely got my money’s worth. Of course, the buns-of steel AND the beautiful legs of the ballerinas definitely add some punch to the Eye Candy Factor. I can’t say the same for The Royal Ballet, but I believe it should kick-ass!

Yao Jing – This play fuses contemporary theatrical styles with the traditions of FIVE (not one, not two, but FIVE ok!!! Mai Xiao Xiao!) Chinese Opera forms. Storyline: The five infamous beauties spanning 5000 years of the Chinese history, whose tragic fates were intertwined with the destinies of fallen empires. Were the sublime beauties venomous serpents (and thus, Yao Jing) who caused the downfall of empires? Or were they mere tragedies brought about by lust, desire and foolishness?

Sounds damn cool right???!!!

But there’s one catch: All Male Cast. Which means… the 4 Chinese beauties are actually “ah gua”.

Can’t convince my beloved to watch this at all…

“What? You want me to watch 4 men pretending to be the 4 Great Beauties of China? Waste my time only… … …”

Typical man.

Need to jio jio my girlfrens on this liao.

This is the reason why I can't allow my beloved to go Japan with PA. Temptation is everywhere! And men is weak.. ...

Will you allow him to go Japan?

My beloved said that he wana go Japan… and I was like “YEAH! I wana go Japan too!”

Then he said, “I wana go with PA”

PA is his friend, an investment banker based in London, who is earning lots of money and thinks that he is some big f**k. I call him PA because PA = Pompous Ass.

My immediate reaction was “WHAT??!! With him??”

(Alarm goes off in my head)

I told him dryly, “If you go Japan with him, I will go to Spain with the wildest girlfriend I ever have and will definitely have a hell-of-a-time.”

(Don’t ask me why Spain, I don’t even think Spaniards are cute, Italians seem cuter)

Tit-for-tat. So freaking childish right?

But he fell for it. “Huh? Spain… no no no, then why don’t you come along with me to Japan?”

“Nope. Don’t like PA.”

“Ok, we’ll do without him, but you will have to get a cute Jap girl for me and we’ll have a threesome together.”

“Ok, deal. Better than to have you fool around in Japan without me.”

O yah… I forgot to mention that PA is renowned to be this slime-pig, who pays for prostitutes. Not any normal whores ok… they are either models or super models. Cost about 300 – 500 pounds a night.

That’s like 1000 to 1500 Sing Dollars. Rich bastard, I hate him.

Boring life = boring blog

I was just lamenting to another fellow friend-blogger that I am bored at work. This came across as rather surprising because I am still new on my job and there is still tons of stuff for me to read and understand. So, technically, I should NOT be bored.

But I am. Bored.

Don’t wana read anything… just wana waste my time away and wallow in self-pity.

Yup… self pity. I guess everyone wallows in self-pity once in a while and today’s my turn. So, please… indulge me.

I came to realize that I am a boring person. So, with a boring life, how to write anything interesting?

B-o-r-i-n-g. At least at this moment in my life… nothing interesting is really happening in my life but yet, I am not exactly unhappy about that either.

So I guess I am upset that I am not upset about my boring life. Am I confusing anyone here?

That’s what Singapore can do to you. Make you accept that life is about earning money (and spending that money in Singapore-built casinos), get married, have THREE babies, hire a maid (who hopefully will NOT kill you or throw your 3 babies down your HDB flat), work our ass off to prove ourselves to “foreign talents”, pay a hand & a leg for a car AND save 2 million for our retirement, all at the same time.

Woah… so with that, how can life in Singapore be boring?

I must be mistaken.

Maybe… since I am a b-o-r-i-n-g person, Singapore is too exciting for me. I need to live in places like Fiji Islands, where there’s really nothing to do but to dive & snorkel, read a book, laze in the sun, curl my toes in soft, white sand and listen to the waves.

Ahhh… I can’t wait.

Wanderlust

I am getting restless. I can’t sit still. I can’t sleep well… … I feel trapped. I think I need to travel again.

In fact, when ever I hear news from my fellow ex-trainees (from New york or Chicago), I can’t help but to feel envious of their adventures and experience. Some of them have secured positions in London, Vienna and Toronto and will continue their career overseas.

But, here I am, stuck in hot, humid and stifling Singapore…

Many times I have wondered how life would have been if I were posted to London or ideally, Vienna. Will my relationship with my beloved still work out? How will my mum and brothers feel about my constant absence? Will my career advances accordingly?

“Choices are hinges of your destiny” – my friend once mentioned. “Almost everything boils down to choice,” she said.

Does everyone really have a choice? To a certain extend, I agree with her statement. With determination, one can be proactive in life and make choices accordingly. But without luck and opportunities, it will be choosing between one shit hole to another dung pit.

Nonetheless… that will still be a choice…

I guess it's time to plan for a trip at the end of the year. Need to get out of here. At least for a while.

Happy – Are you?

Checked out this new club in Tanjong Pagar called “Happy”. It is a very interesting name since Happy is primarily a gay club. Got it? Happy? As like “gay”?

Anyway, the club is cool… with its svelte interior, sleek sound system, great party music and hot servers (all males, of course!), one can really have a great time grooving and drowning in alcohol with style!

One reminder for the ladies, it IS a gay club… so nobody really gives a hoot about your blinking eyelashes, plunging necklines or pouty lips. Well… except fellow female clubbers a.k.a judgmental fashion police-cum-bitches.

Oh, another interesting thing about the club, its unisex toilets. No big deal…you may think, until a guy pee-ed barely 5 inches from me while I was washing my hands! Too bad… he was not that cute and the toilet was too dark for any decent spying.

And of course, I saw some of the most gorgeous guys on earth (unfortunately, are gays)… woah, those bods… were to-die-for. Sigh…. If only… *wistfully*

All in all, I strongly recommended the club. For the open-minded, of course.

I don’t feel appreciated

Yup… I do NOT feel appreciated. As a friend, as a lover, as a employee, as a fellow colleague, as a daughter… as a human being.

Ok, ok… that is a bit tooooo much. But the truth is, I seriously do not feel appreciated for who I am and what I did.

My boyfriend does not appreciate the fact that I try my utmost best not to splurge on shopping. He complains that I do not dress up enough for him… or that I do not have a good dress sense (I think that MY dress sense IS FINE). So, he claims that he wants to buy clothes/bags for me, which are totally not necessary. I HAVE enough clothes and shoes… (not bags though). But the morale of the story is that: Why can’t he appreciates the fact that I wana save money for him? Why can’t he appreciates the fact that I do not want to spend silly money on pedicures and manicures? Why is he so hung up on physical beauty?

Am I really that unglamorous?

I have never felt uglier.

What is wrong with me…?

I went for an interview yesterday at 7 pm and I totally screwed it up.

Sigh… there goes another opportunity for me.

I was totally not myself during the interview… can’t believe that I did so badly… despite reading up on the technical skills required by this position, despite getting good recommendations from my friend who is currently working in the firm, despite my international working experiences in the States.

I made a total fool of myself and wasted everyone’s time.

Argh… I did not sell myself, as the way I should in an interview. I should have impressed them with the stuffs that I have read and prepared for… but I did not do that.

Worse, I could not even answer a technical question posted to me.

And my interviewers advised me that I need to be aggressive to get this job, implying that I am weak.

I have failed.

No knowledge, no confidence… how to be aggressive when I have no confidence?

I need to go back to school again… to study and gain confidence on my technical knowledge.

Study = Money

I have no money. ;(

Sexy Pictures

After checking out Xiaxue’s blog (http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/) , seems that inserting sexy pictures of yourself is getting very popular.

So in order to join in the crowd, I’ve decided to do the unspeakable:

check out my big, round and succulent … …. …. APPLES in the picture below. 5 apples somemore…

Don’t they look delicious….?

Don’t you just want to give them a bite?

Hmmmmm…. *Groan*… They are so good. Fresh from the trees, cannot get any better than that.

;P

Apples! From the apple trees in an apple farm in Indiana last Fall.

Time to update

Have not been blogging and that is mainly due to my heavy workload of my new job. I guess everyone (“everyone” here means my friends) should have known by now that I am currently working for an U.S MNC. So besides slaving my ass off… I barely have enough time to sleep, exercise and file my U.S taxes. Blogging is on my last priority.

Talking about filing of U.S taxes… and it boils my blood. I did my tax last year and F.Y.I, filing U.S tax is not as simple as Singapore. Firstly, I will have to file 2 forms for the U.S federal tax and after that, one will also file tax against the State(s) you have stayed or earned an income from in that fiscal year. So, this year, I will have to file for 2 State taxes – NY and IL, addition of a filing against Federal. In total, 6 forms to file. 6 LONG forms.

Since I left the U.S last November, I have employed a certified tax consultant, before my departure to file my tax for 2005, and paid 150 USD for her *$^%#%&* service!

She is totally irresponsible. Not only did she not reply to my emails/questions, she made many mistakes in my filing. So, out of desperation, I had to file my own taxes again. Considered that 150 USD down the drain then.

So after a few late nights of reading up and filing of 6 tax forms, I am finally done and have just sent out my tax forms via Fedex this morning.

Moral of the story: Do not trust Americans. Especially those who claim that they can file your tax. They will just suck your blood.

Me, myself and Wenai.

A friend mentioned that I have stopped writing about myself anymore. So, I sat down and thought about that comment he had made.

Nope, I do not agree with him. If one realised, I write about nothing but MYSELF!

My days in the States, my petty problems in life, my weight problem in Singapore, aren’t all these all about me? I even wrote a blog about the damn X’mas tree in my office!

p/s: The tree is gone now. I volunteered to keep the Ugliest X’mas Tree away. I can’t stand having ugly things around me.

Anyway, back to the point, I have decided not to write about myself anymore but focus on more “worldly” issues. For example, the company culture of the MNC which I am working for, and how localise it seems.

But sorry to say, I have no time to write since I have to work. Yup… at 11 pm. *excited*

Chinatown

Took this picture sometime back when I just returned to Singapore around November 2004 and I realised that Singapore’s Chinatown is rather “un-chinatown”. At least in comparison to the Chinatowns in the States.

Just want to share with you guys.

There. MY Chinatown.

Last Spring, I was there looking at the Cherry Blossoms. And I thought those blossoms were the prettiest thing I had ever seen in my life. Now... my life lacks beauty.

Catching up…

Just about two days ago, I caught up with a good friend, whom I have got to know during my stay in New York. She is a Malaysian, did her undergrad in Australia, was in New York for about 2.5 years and recently spent 3 months in Colombia. Yup… she is a hell of a cool girl!

I was really glad to catch her for lunch, even though it was for only an hour. But I can feel this affinity towards her as always. She is ever so friendly, spontaneous yet so sensible. It’s always such a joy to share a conversation with her…

I believe that she is still adjusting to her life in Malaysia, especially so after spending a good 5 years abroad. I wish her all the best and I look really forward to meeting her again. Be it in Malaysia, U.S.A or Colombia.

For you K… my best wishes.

Lonely Fairy

I’ve never felt more alone… … A sudden sense of loneliness swept across my soul just about 1 hour ago and I can still feel the Fairy’s wings fluttering in my heart. The Lonely Fairy’s wings…

Despite being back home in Singapore, despite a dinner with my Beloved, despite taking a walk together with him. He made a comment, which froze my heart.

And I looked at him, not recognising him for a moment. Is he for real?

For a second… I felt like I am on the moon. Just like the fairy, looking at the cold, hostile and lifeless moon.

Alone and naked.

New Environment!

Finally… after being a bummer for 2 months, I am now a young, energetic and productive individual in the workforce! Contributing to my country’s GDP and GNP growth rates and increasing Singapore Consumer Spending Index by 0.000143%!

So much for getting a job huh?

Currently. I am a two-day old Financial Anal-yst of a U.S MNC… … So far so good. But as usual, there are a few things that I am anal about:

1) There is a HUGE Christmas tree right outside my cube… in fact, it is BLOCKING the entrance to my cube, which I am sharing with another fellow senior analyst. Everything is fine EXCEPT for this dumb Christmas tree. Hello…? Xmas is long over, so why can’t somebody keep this tree away??? And it doesn’t help that the Xmas tree is VERY UGLY. It’s such an eye sore… …Although it seems that my senior analyst has strong feelings for this tree. He claims that it can ward off “Evil Wind” – “Sha Qi”. So, meanwhile… I will give this tree a chance and keep it under observation for its ability to ward off evil spirits.

2) Someone here claimed that there is a tradition of Newbies buying breakfast for the rest of senior staffs in the department. What a ridiculous tradition??!! Seems to be a “Te-kan” (which means bullying) tactic for the seniors to throw their weight around!

Anyway, there are 2 newcomers in my department and so two of us are supposed to buy breakfasts for the rest of the team. Well… too bad, guys. That is NOT happening since I am pretending that I am short of hearing and make a point to disappear whenever the word “breakfast” is mentioned.

Hmnp. There is no free lunch nor breakfast in this world !!!

Bali Trip 2004

LMW, that’s me.

Read an interesting article in Urban, titled “LMW or HMW”? Which means Low-Maintenance-Woman or High-Maintenance-Women? And I immediately wonder which category I belong to.

I guess the best person to answer that question will be my boyfriend, but since he is not around at the moment, I shall attempt the impossible: to judge oneself.

Of course, it will be a biased vote, but I do seriously think that I am a very LMW. For example:

1) I do not demand flowers/gifts/diamonds/celebrations on V-day because I think it’s really stupid to allow florists/gift-shops/restaurants to overcharge us by 150% on that “special” day.
2) I do not request my boyfriend to call me every night nor to report his daily tasks to me. It will be nice and sweet of him to call me and let me know of his actions, but I do not believe in setting such rules.
3) Buying expensive gifts are not necessary… the gifts should be practical, or at least things that I like. Fortunately, I seldom like expensive stuffs. ;p
4) Dinning in fine restaurants is a bonus but pigging out in hawker centres can be a joy too!

Opps, I hope I am not “spoiling market” here! ;p

As mentioned in the article, one can be high-maintenance materialistically or emotionally, but both are equally exhausting, and men can be equally high-maintenance too. Although if you are freaking loaded, having a gorgeous-model-look-alike girlfriend/boyfriend, who is HM, it might not be a problem to you at all!

Looking around me, I identify a few of my girlfriends to be rather HM, and interestingly enough, most of them are now single. Then it dawns upon me that, these girlfriends of mine are also HM in terms of friendship.

Some of them can be self-centred at times… or in other occasions, I will end up paying for their drinks and meals since they are so used to being “paid for”. Just being their friend at times can be rather tiring; I cannot imagine being their boyfriends!

O well… Nobody is perfect. Let’s hope that everyone will strive to be a better person!

M.I.T

I was just lamenting to another fellow blog-friend about how boring my blog is, and what is the whole point of writing a blog…

Basically, I am toying with the idea of discontinuing my blog. I find my blog dry, not value-adding to any readers at all and most importantly, my English sucks big time!

And so, I asked my blog-friend, “Where do you find the inspiration to write? How do you do it?”

He said, “Writing is like bitching. Some people bitch, I write”

Ahhh, now I see… … … So I sat down and pondered upon the factors that could have contributed to my lack of enthusiasm to blogging.

And it dawned on me that it all boiled down to “M.I.T”

“M” – Motivation

I must need a motivation to write. Sadly, I am not very motivated right now. Besides sharing my thoughts and views with my other blog friends, I cannot find any other source of motivation.

“I” – Inspiration

Where to find inspiration? Books? Movies? Bitching sessions with girlfriends? Instead of bitching with other human beings, it might be a good idea to bitch with my blog instead. At least, my blog will not tell me to shut up!

“T” – Time

No doubt, one must have time and discipline to write. I am aiming for at least 20 minutes a day to write a decent piece of article.

Alright! Hopefully I have the will power to hang on!!!

Money Matters…

There was a recent article in The Straits Times, featuring women and their secret saving nests, concealed from their husbands or boyfriends. So upon reading that article, my boyfriend asked me in jest, whether have I saved a million yet.

Ha… I wish!

Even my mother advises me that keeping a secret account is extremely important, especially so when I am married. To my mum, money equates to security. That makes sense, saving for a rainy day is essential since you will never know when one might get retrenched in this competitive market. Or when will an unfortunate accident/illness strike? *touch wood*

Although I do not understand why the saving account has to be a “secret”? In a relationship, shouldn’t couples be frank and true to each other? In my opinion, couples should look into their money matter together, as one. Money can easily make or break a relationship, so why complicate matters by keeping “unnecessary” secrets?

“What’s mine is mine and what’s his, is mine too”

Well, I don’t believe in that because I think everyone has the right to spend his/her hard-earned money. Of course, one should put some money aside for insurance and investing purposes. However, life is short, so enjoy the spending power while you can with responsibility.

Nonetheless, I do have my own motto:

“What’s mine is mine, what’s his, is his, but what’s ours, is mine!”

Well, somebody has to do the dirty work, isn’t it?

For those who can, Teach.

I am a relief teacher now. Teaching lower secondary English and Math.

Quite a number of my friends burst out laughing when I told them that I am a teacher for the time being.

Yup… for your information, I have once thought about going into teaching… moulding our future generation into fine young men and women, changing their lives and in return, change mine… … But after a harrowing experience with the kids, I’ll have to say “Thanks… but no thanks!”

Being a teacher is HARD WORK! Besides teaching 40 kids per class and mind you, teachers usually have about 4 classes under their belts, these saints are also bogged down by tons of admin work. Marking of papers, preparing of lessons, setting of test papers, collection of health booklets, dental care forms and other rubbish, being in charge of CCAs, scolding talkative kids, puking blood, and banging head against the wall… … All these are the daily chores of a typical teacher.

I have never appreciated my teachers more… and I am truly sorry for all the troubles I had gotten into when I was still a feisty kid.

KUDOS to the teachers!!!

Just the stress of dealing with kids is enough to drive anyone mad… the amount of energy a teacher must possess to motivate a class of 40 kids is tremendous… and most of all, one must have the patience and compassion for children who are rebellious.

After two weeks of screaming at kids… my white flag is up. I can’t wait to surrender. Miss Haj (the teacher whom I am relieving), can you please come back ASAP!!! *wail*
Meanwhile, I have to hang on for another 1.5 weeks before I can hand over those kids to their rightful form teacher, Miss Haj…

Back to more serious matters… there are a few improvements which I feel that MOE (Ministry of Education) of Singapore should really look into:

1) Teaching Assistants

In order to teach effectively, teachers should not be overloaded with other non-teaching tasks. Instead of spending more time assessing their students or improving their methods of teaching, teachers are spending previous time on non-value adding tasks such as collection of funds, organising of school events and daily admin work. If MOE can ration one teaching assistant to every 4 teachers, Im sure it will lighten the load of the teachers significantly. Remember, teacher is meant to teach and not be an event planner/class treasurer/secretary.

2) Reduce the number of students per class (Even for neighbourhood schools)

Currently, there are about 40 students per class and I just found out how impossible it is to handle 40 children at any given time. We are talking about kids between 13 to 14 years old, where they are at the transition stage between children and teenagers. Thus, a certain degree of “mothering” is still expected, yet at the same time, teachers must bear in mind to allow space for students to develop their independence. If the class size can be reduce to between 25 to 30 students per class, this will enable the teachers to shower more attention to each student, focusing on individual’s learning capacity; as well as allowing the teachers to have more control over the class.

Teaching is indeed a rewarding career; it is very amusing and enlightening when students come up with creative ideas and solutions to either school related problems or the little hiccups in daily activities.

In any case… to all difficult parents out there, give the teachers a break. If handling your own children is already giving you a headache, imagine TEACHING 40 kids. You will start vomiting blood by the end of the day.

Fish!!! - Check it out!

Saw this advertisement from Johnnie Walker. (Yes, the old man who walks around with his walking stick while trying to sell whiskey) In fact, I first watched this advert when I went for a Whisky Tasting Session (organised by Johnnie Walker, of course) at Thumper, Goodwood Park Hotel sometime before Xmas 2004.

The tasting session was interesting since I have never attended a whisky tasting before, although I have been to wine tasting, tea tasting and even honey tasting. Therefore, that was indeed a brand new experience for me. Learnt a few interesting facts about whisky, but I am NOT going to talk about these facts here, as you can easily check that out on the internet. So don’t waste my time ok?

What I was really intrigued was Johnnie Walker’s newest advert, titled “Fish”

A school of “fishes”, or should I say “dolphins” are swimming towards the camera, in a deep, open sea….

As the camera starts to zoom in, you will realised that those “dolphins” are actually MEN! NAKED MEN! A huge school of these gorgeous-looking men, swimming together like dolphins… with a very catchy tune playing in the back ground.

And finally, these hotties found land, and started walking on shore… as the label “KEEP WALKING” flashes across the screen.

And there I was, tilting my head, trying to catch a glimpse of what’s between the legs of one of the naked cuties… … …

This is one of my favourite adverts to date. Cool… and naked men always work for me. Mind you, they must be CUTE, naked men… … who know how to swim, of course! Yummy... ...*slurp*

Screamworks – The Key to Brazilian Waxing!

Sick of having unsightly hair sprouting from places where they should NOT be seen?

Then refer to the above price list for the services available from Screamworks!

Screamworks Studio

271 Bukit Timah Road
Balmoral Plaza
#02 – 14A
Singapore 259708

Tel: 6836 1660
Fax: 6836 4006

I am a regular of Screamworks and I must emphasize that Sreamworks’s rates are really competitive compared to other salons. Not only that, with Frederique’s experience (Fred is the director of Screamworks), hair removing is relatively painless and hassle free!

And yes, feel free to scream while waxing! Although Fred will definitely minimizes any pain that you will have to go through!

Grief

Today is the last day of the calendar year 2004. And I must say that this year is ending with a sad note.

Although I am not personally affected by the killer tsunami, I cannot help feeling so sad for all people who have perished under the waves.

Rows and rows of dead bodies, with most of them bloated and decayed, I cannot imagine the horror that a family member will have to suffer while searching for their missing loved ones.

Sigh. Mother Nature has showed her wrath and decided to punish us.

May the dead rest in peace… …

Out - by Natsuo Kirino

Bought this book about 2 days ago and managed to finish it just about an hour ago. This book is written by Natsuo Kirino and translated by Stephan Snyder, first published in Japanese in 1997.

Just the illustration of the cover is enough to give you the creeps. The front shows the face of a girl, with a blade to her eye, as for the back of the book, it shows the same face of the girl, but instead of the blade to her eye, there is a thin trail of blood.

Every time when I fished out the book to read on the MRT (Singapore's subway), people will begin to look at me in horror, most probably thinking "what is this psycho reading??!!"

Of course, I derived some kick in doing that. ;p

Ok, back to the book, this story portrays 4 women and the hideous crime they have committed and the price they have to pay. The main characters are highly complex and it brings out the sinister side out of every living soul.

Am I capable of killing? I might if I am being pushed to the edge. When it is either to kill or to be killed, are you capable of killing another person?

This book is scary because it shows how very ordinary people might turn to monsters and murderers when they are being pushed to cross the line... ...

Neither ghosts nor ghouls is mentioned, but the auntie next door, whom you see every morning might just be capable of doing anything. Even killing. And that scares the shit out of me.

What an individual is capable of doing to another individual, is scary. Especially when it is committed with a sinister pleasure... ...

If you are looking for a thriller with a different setting (in this case, it's Tokyo), Out is recommended.

Nobody Knows...

Watched this heart wrenching movie yesterday but I did not shed a single tear. This is rather surprising since I am such a cry baby. In fact, the whole notion of watching this movie alone was hoping that I can cry in peace.

That did not happen. But I am left to be depressed for the whole of yesterday and today, most probably for the whole of this week.

The movie, “Nobody Knows” – “Dare Mo Shiranai” is directed by Hirokazu Koreeda, and its main cast: 4 beautiful and talented young actors and actresses.

If you like action and fast-paced movie, this is not for you. But if want movies that are sincere and set you thinking, you will enjoy the next 2 hrs and 15 mins while watching Nobody Knows.

The movie’s style is very subtle and honest. It did not attempt to glamorize anything nor did it try to exaggerate the children’s pitiful plight. But because of that, the movie touched my heart.

This might be a fiction, but I have never appreciated my mother more, and the fact that I was able to go to school and have a childhood.

It also set you thinking about being responsible parents and what children have to suffer due to selfish parents.

My god… I am soooooo depressed.

By the way, I am now reading a Japanese novel, titled “Out”. Author: Natsuo Kirino, translated by Stephen Snyder. Will touched on that when I am done with the book.

I am sick of... ...

I am sick of socializing and making senseless conversation to people whom I do not even want to start a conversation with in the freaking first place.

I am sick of being judged by the way I look, the make-up I put, the clothes I wear and the shoes on my feet.

I am sick of waking up in the morning and think of what to do for the rest of the day.

I am sick of the irritating comments that my boyfriend will make, especially about me.

I am sick. And my boyfriend thinks that I need help.

I think I just need a f**king job to take up my bloody time...

My bf says " Dont worry about looking for a job, STROKE AND IT WILL COME" ;p

Brazilian Wax... TAKE IT ALL OFF!

If the thought of screaming and writhing in pain, excites you and stirs your loins… hrm, I meant blood. You are the one whom I am looking for!

I challenge you to go for a Brazilian Wax! For guys, you can also do a Brazilian Wax if you really want to. However, except for my crazy boyfriend/porn-star-wanabe who claims that he is unafraid of the pain, I have not met a single guy who is willing to try!

It takes courage, guts and above all, vanity to go for a Brazilian wax. And yes, IT IS F**KING PAINFUL, BUT IT IS ALL WORTH IT!

Ok… some of you are have been living in some mountains, may ask: “what is a Brazilian wax huh???”

Different salons and spas have their definition of a Brazilian wax, but it is universally agreed as the “removal of all pubic hair, except upon request to leave a small strip of hair for aesthetic purpose”

In other words, some lady will make you strip naked and rip hair out of your most intimate body part, using warm wax. Sounds nice huh?

So why not shave? Some might ask…. Well, that is because:

1) You will not get the same baby smoothness as a wax
2) Every time when you shave, your hair roots will get thicker and thicker and you will DIE of pain on your first Brazilian wax when the hair roots are ripped off for the very first time!
3) Higher occurrence of in-growth hair and infections

The first time I tried Brazilian wax was about 2 years ago and I have never looked back ever since. It just feels so much cleaner and smoother and hmmmm… nicer. ;)

And of course, no more embarrassment of unsightly hair peering out of your *gasp!* bikini!!!

Anyway, here are some other advantages of a Brazilian wax:

1) Satisfy your hidden desire to be a porn star!
2) For once in your life, you can finally see how their pu**y looks like without fighting through a jungle!
3) You look really sexy wearing a see-through lingerie while seducing your BF or Husband
4) This then means that you will have better sex!!!! ;P

Ok… my friend, Fred (a girl, in case you ask!) just opened up her waxing salon - Screamworks in Balmoral Plaza, 2nd floor. Once I have her E-flyer, I will post it on my blog.

She is one of the best Brazilian Waxers around and I am not saying that just because she is my friend. Seriously, I have been to waxing salons in New York and Chicago, and I can guarantee that with Fred as the waxer, you will experience minimal pain but maximal personal service, and at a very reasonable price!!!!

And guys, you can also get waxing voucher as a gift from Screamworks. X’mas is coming, so why not get a gift that both you and your girlfriend/wife can enjoy????

;p

This is how I have been feeling ever since I am back in Singapore. Girls in Singapore are too bloody skinny!!!

For those who have heard me whine ever since I am back in Singapore… they would have realized that I only whine about one thing – My Weight.

Before I start whining AGAIN about how fat I think I am, let’s do a flash back to Chicago just a few months back… …

Shux ( a fellow Singaporean girl): I think I will have to lose a few pounds before heading home for Chinese New Year…

Me: HUH? Are you crazy? You are not fat at all… what are you talking about?

Shux: Girls in Singapore are so skinny… I will look fat by Singaporean’s standard.

Me (looking at her in horror): I’m sure not everyone is as superficial as you think; friends and family will still accept the way you are….

I AM DEAD WRONG!!!

Ever since I am back, I have lost count of the numbers of comments I have received regarding to the way I look. Friends, cousins, aunties, uncles, even my own mum and boyfriend commented that I have bloated.

“Wah… why you so fat now???”

“You a bit the bah bah now huh!”

“How come you face so swollen one???”

Sigh… the perils of staying in America and eating American food had finally caused my downfall. One out of every 3 Americans are considered obese, and I am considered sexy and slim in their eyes.

I have never ever imagine that I have to battle with my weight since I have always been a scrawny kid ever since from school, in fact, I used to get FREE milk from my primary school’s canteen because I was considered severely underweight. And in my secondary school days, I have been advised to eat more or else I’ll start being 2 dimensional instead of 3.

O well… Those were the good old days…

However, the funniest thing is that I have only put on a max of 2 to 3 kg during these 2 years (if my weighing scale is accurate)… and people reacted as if I have put on 30 kg.

The social pressure to be slim is tremendous in Singapore, with all the slimming advertisements, slimming pills, as well as, slimming spas and salons, advocating that Slim = Beautiful. Regardless whether one looks anorexic or unhealthy.

Thus, being spineless… I am now also being brainwashed by these horrible people who urge me to lose all my previous fats and flabs. Now being on a diet and some exercise regime has already trimmed me down a little.

Despite of me complaining and whining about how unreasonably skinny most Singaporean girls, I do long for the days where I can be toned, firm and lean again.

Nonetheless, enough is enough! I am going slap the next person who dares to make a comment that I am fat.

To Whistler... My dream

The slopes would have opened by now… although it’s not in the best condition to ski yet. Ahhh… I wish I am still in the States now, so that I can at least ski one last time before heading home. To ski in Whistler and Blackcomb for 5 solid days… …I will do anything to fly to whistler for this season! O well… fat hope.

Looking at my finances now, there is no way I can afford a skiing trip to Whistler, Canada. Unless, I strike the lottery or something (which means pretty impossible) or that I max my credit card to the very MAX and work like a slave for the next 6 months. Hrm… did I mention that I am currently unemployed?

Yes… I am back in Sunny Singapore, and the weather has been driving me nuts. Every time when I step out of the house, I will either die of heat stroke or that I will drown in my own sweat. Kinda miss the cold in Chicago actually…

To my friends still in the States or Canada, do yourself a favor (or at least do it for me!) GO SKIING! Or at least learn skiing or snowboarding!

What is life without skiing…?

Sigh.

I will give anything to ski in Whistler and Blackcomb in this season... I WANA SKI!!! God damn it...

My Last Recipe

This is it. My very last day in Chicago, United States of America. I am actually feeling rather indifferent, which kinda surprises me.

A tinge of sadness, a tablespoon of excitement, 2 teaspoons of nostalgia and a little sprinkle of fulfillment. Blend together… and I get indifference. Very interesting isn’t it?

Oh… I forgot to mention that you will have to freeze the above mixture in Numbness for about a week, and your indifference will turn out to be perfect. Cold and firm… with the correct consistency.

To the Moon and back

I jumped on a plane and flew to Vancouver last week and after spending a cold and wet week there, I am now in cold and windy Chicago. And will be heading back to hot and sunny Singapore by next week.

Vancouver – The most picturesque city in the world?

I think I will agree with that. The snow cap mountains, the sea, the maple-look-alike trees (my Canadian friend said that those were NOT maple tress but a wanabe) lining the sidewalks, the fallen red and yellow leaves. It’s as if I was in the enchanted garden…

On a cloudless day, every time I looked out of my friend’s window, I will see the Vancouver city, with the mountains – Cypress and Grouse as the back drop. Ahhh… I must say that the view took my breath away every time.

And being a ski freak, I actually took a day trip to Whistler (2010 Winter Olympic), one of the BEST skiing resorts in North America and spent half a day looking wistfully at the mountains, imagining that I was up there skiing and braving Blackcomb’s and Whistler’s slopes.

Sigh… but too bad for me, the skiing season has not started yet and I guess I just have to come here another time. *sad*

Vancouver all in all, gave me a very relax feel to it. Outdoor activities are easily available all year round. Ski/snowboard your heart out in the winter, water-rafting in spring, camping and hiking in summer and biking/horseback riding in fall…. …. The change of the season, in turn, will change your lifestyle, your activities and your wardrobe, and it’s this kind of change I really look forward to

Everyone is nicer, friendly and genuinely greet strangers with smile… something I am really unaccustomed to. And I thought San Francisco and Chicago were laid back…

Will definitely want to go back to Vancouver again. To Whistler. To Ski.

I am in an enchanted garden - Kitsilano, Vancouver

Women over 30

Below is an article written by Andy Rooney. And after reading that, I have never been more inspired to grow old. The funniest thing is that I have always been looking forward to "aging well". I feel that being older equates to being wiser (hopefully!) and nothing is more attractive than that. Compared to a woman who is 30, I always feel like a kid and inadequate... ... BUT please note that being 30 and LOOKING like a 30 year-old is 2 totally different matter. ;p

Here is a piece written by Andy Rooney - CBS 60 Minutes.

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do.

And,it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if youdeserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can getaway with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 30 has the self-assurance tointroduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guywith other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attractedto her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women getpsychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30.They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not trueof younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are ajerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where youstand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart,well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making afool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk forfree".

Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage,why?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get alittle sausage..

My Room in Chicago. 

Packing up now...

In my studio apartment, packing up now. The procedure of opening up my empty suitcases and filling them up with my clothes, shoes and stuffs kinda depressed me. Until when I was going through some blogs which I have written but never published them. I was reading one of the blogs and now I am really glad that I am going home after all... ... I guess everyone needs a remainder to set one's priority right again.

Below was what I have written on May 23 2004:

I am freezing my ass off right now in this very moment.

Where: American Museum of Natural History in New York City. To be specific, I am in the cafeteria of the museum.

Time: 4.39 pm and another hour to go before I can get out of here.

Why:

There are a few reasons that contribute to why I am stuck right here.

Firstly, my brother is now in NYC on a vacation. Thus, me being a good sister, I have the obligation to show him around and bring him to all the museums that he wants to explore.
However, I have a dateline to meet by Monday, so instead of me working at home and risking my brother getting lost (which also means that I will be skinned alive by my mum if my brother did get lost in the BIG, BAD and UGLY city); I am now building my spreadsheet using my laptop in the cafeteria of the museum.

My little brother just arrived on last Friday (21 May 2004) and it was on that fateful day, which I have come to learn that one of my cousins had passed away due to a motor vehicle accident. My little cousin, let’s call him “sweet pea”. He was like a little brother to me. Sweet Pea used to come over to my place very often and hang out with my 2 younger brothers. They played and fought together, laughed and cried together and grew up together as the years roll by.

He was a naughty little boy, full of mischief but never malicious. Definitely drove my uncle and aunt up the wall and even me, myself, have the urge to discipline him every once a while.

However, things changed when he started his secondary school and began mixing with bad company. He began to drift apart from my brothers; everyone was too busy to realize that he had skipped school, started smoking and participated in those petty gang fights. My uncle, being a very gentle man, could not handle him and eventually allowed him to drop out of school to enroll into the Army.

Everything seems well ever since he went to the Army, the army disciplined him and kept him busy, he did not seem to be hang around much with those gangster friends anymore.
Everything seems to go well for a while, until… he got involved in a motorcycle accident.

It was a Sunday afternoon; he was rushing to his camp to book in. Being a good friend, he gave his fellow camp mate a ride. He lost control of his motorbike. He crashed into a tree. He died instantly on the spot. He was only 19 years old… … … His fellow campmate was in a coma for a week before passing away too.

He barely bought his motorbike 2 months before the dreadful accident happened. The bike was a gift from his dad… a gift which ultimately caused his death.

Everyone took his death rather badly. It was so unexpected. It was so tragic. All my family members were there at his funeral, everyone except me. And the worst part was that I was not even being told of his death until about 2 weeks later. I was hurt and angry; I called my mum to demand for an explanation since I have never felt more left out.

My mum answered: “So what If I told you… by the time you fly back home, his funeral would have been over anyway.”

Then it hit me. Yes… she is right. If anything were to happen to my loved ones, by the time I were to fly back home, it would have been too late anyway. No last goodbyes, no last words and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.

I want to go home now.

Outburst on the bus

I was hit by reality once again that I am leaving Chicago in about 3 weeks' time. Had the sudden compulsion to write something while I was on my way to Kraft this morning......


When I left home in search of something better
What I found was something in fact, lesser
But in time, through patience and self-realization
I look around and see inspirations

My trip has been fruitful
My life is now changed
I finally knew what I want
Or so, that's what I'll like to believe

Now that it's time for me to leave
To venture into uncertainty and unknown
And I will go,
Taking my new found treasures with me

I want to fly... ... like my fairy... 

If there is one tattoo I will get for myself. IT"S HER. 

Love.... is bullshit?!

Just received an email from a friend, unfortunately, the email irritates the shit out of me. I guess the content of the email is simply full of crap. Oh, did I mention that the email was all about… … what else, “love”.

Here are some of the excerpts:

· “Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test to you, to help you grow. Don't find love: let love finds you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. "

· “You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages size. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering, and growing.”

· “How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.”

The first thing that hit me after reading through the email was: what a load of bullshit, I have just wasted 3 minutes of my life, damned!

The next thing that hit me was: Am I really that cynical? Shouldn’t I feel inspired by these “words of wisdom”?

To be frank, I think I have been relatively lucky in love… except for the fact that one of my ex-boyfriend actually two-timed me. Other than that scumbag, I have been blissfully loved by 2 very good men. So, technically speaking, I should still retain some of those head-in-the-clouds-and-I-am-so-in-love genes in me.

Nope. Nothing… those “romantic” DNAs have all died. In fact, one of my friends just made a comment that I am the most unromantic girl he has ever met in his life. I don’t think that is much of a compliment. Upon some self-reflection, I don’t think I am as jaded before, as I am now am.

I remembered I used to think that giving flowers is one of the sweetest things; a guy can do for a girl. Now, it’s a waste of money. Candle light dinner used to be such a romantic thing, now; I think it’s kinda cheesy. Talking on the phone and whisper sweet nothings used to be my forte, now, my boyfriend and I seem to only talk about our work, monetary issues and politics.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME????????!!!!!!!!!

I guess being overseas alone for the past 1.5 years had definitely toughen me up, especially since I was actually living in the Big Apple, New York City for around 14 months. After breathing the cold, hard air of New York, you cannot expect me to remain as fluffy as I was 2 years ago. Plus the fact that I have all along been very independent and being in a big city like New York has not only sharpened my independence streak, it has also honed my dun-you-dare-to-f**k-with-me attitude to a whole new level.

So I have come to realization that, this is what “age” has done to me. Growing older has somehow sucked out my naiveté towards love and dreams. Although now that with age, I am more focused and certain about myself, about who I am and what I want in life. This, in turn, has transformed me to be this selfish, cold-blooded bitch, who might just do anything, in order to attain what ever she wants.

Is this the person whom I want to be?

No.

Now that it’s time for me to go home soon… maybe it is time for me to ponder about the meaning of life again. What ever the case is, I seriously think that I am inherently, a good girl. (Yah… laugh all you want…)

I guess I, not only have to fall in love again, I have to believe in love again.

The 3 "C"s

I realized that I have a huge problem with the 3 “C”s.

1) Communication
2) Commitment
3) Cash

First and foremost, and I will say, by far the worst problem that I have to deal with… is my PATHETIC communication skills. This really hit me by surprise. Although I am no debater or public speaker, I still pride myself as being relatively vocal and I usually do get my message across to people rather efficiently.

That is until recently where I have to train my new boss, as well as, the replacement analyst, so that they can take over my job when I fly back to Singapore. And to my astonishment, it hits me that I can’t communicate effectively to my seniors or peers, especially work-related issues.

So now, I am making a conscious effort to think and organized my thoughts before I speak, and most importantly, speak slowly and clearly so that my American counterpart can understand my heavily accented English, a.k.a Singlish.

Secondly, commitment. This also hits me by surprise… since I have always wanted to get married young and have children young UNTIL I am now in the States. After being exposed to the wild and crazy life style in the States… I have now grown accustomed to the carefree lifestyle where I can do what ever I like; go where ever I please, say what ever I want. Now that I will be heading home soon, I will have to consider the feelings of my loved ones and ensure that what ever I do, will not cause any distress nor hurt to them. And I find this kind of commitment stifling, so much so that I am almost having an anxiety attack!

Thirdly, cash. I see this coming long time ago and I have nobody to blame but myself. I have been spending way too much money here that I am actually ashamed of myself. Argh…. I am too weak to fight against temptation… boots, hats, scarves and all the accessories which I know I will not get to wear them in Singapore, as my beloved homeland is simply too god-damned hot! But I can’t stop myself from buying all these soft cashmere sweaters…

My god… If I don’t curb myself… I will soon have another “C” related problem: Credit Card bills!!!

19 days to the end of my Traineeship in the States.

Just gave Kaeson a farewell party on Saturday since he will be leaving for Singapore for good, after 9 long years in the States. Wow… 9 years. That’s a freaking long time to stay in a foreign country! I simply can’t imagine the kind of emotions that he must be feeling right now…

As for me, I have only been here for 1.5 years, which is only 1/6 of Kaeson’s length of stay. However, I am already going through an emotional crisis, since now that I have only 19 days to the end of my traineeship with Kraft Foods International.

I feel as if I am now at a T-junction, where I can either make a right or left turn. Although the left turn now is under repair and thus, blocked. So in a sense, I have no other choice but to make a right turn…

So, is there anyway where I can make a left turn?

Well…. Yes.

1) I can either first make a right or then try to make a left turn further down the road. Hopefully the next left turn will bring me to the same destination, which the first left turn would have led me.

2) Or, I could first make a right turn and once I know that the road is repaired, I will then make a U-turn, and hit the very first left turn again.

What ever the case is, I want to make a left turn eventually, which means that, I want to come back to the States again. With that, I have drawn out a 3-year plan. In 3 years’ time, after gaining sufficient work experiences, I aim to come back to Chicago to do my MBA. Of course, ideally, I would like to stay with Kraft and get transferred to Kraft HQ office in Chicago and hopefully get admitted to University of Chicago and pursue my part time MBA program under the company’s expense. Ahhhh…. That will be my ideal world. ;P

But if that does not work out, I will still hunt for opportunities with other companies to achieve my 3-year goal. Basically, by hook or by crook, I do want to be back. Back to Chicago… the Second City.

And in many ways, Chicago is indeed THE second city. At least, Chicago is MY second city. It is my second city which I have lived and grown to love, it is a second city in every aspect when compared to New York, which is still my first love.

However, New York simply has too many distractions and knowing myself, I will never settle to study or even to pick up a textbook to do any readings since I will be too busy eating out at restaurants, partying at clubs, watching plays and ballets and having a hell of a time!

Chicago, at the other hand, seems to be a great city with a decent, but NOT CRAZY night life, and at the same time, boring enough to allow myself to concentrate on my studies a few hours a week (or so I hope!)

After coming up with this 3-year plan, I must say that I definitely felt better. More focused and definitely much less confused. Although the next question is… how am I going to fit “the love of my life” into this 3-year plan of mine?

Question: If you lost the love of your life, do you still have a life?

WHAT sex and WHAT City???

After watching Sex and the city back-to-back-to-back, season-to-season-to-season, it kinda makes me ponder about the dating scene back home, in Singapore. Or should I say, the LACK of dating scene. But then again, I guess it's unfair for me to make such a comment since I have not been home for the past year or so... Nonetheless, from the complaints that I gathered from my girlfriends, it seems that it is rather difficult to meet anyone interesting back home.

Some of them joined Salsa classes to meet people but complained that most guys can’t dance for nuts. Some go to bars and lounges to hang out but end up hooking up with sleazeballs or slimebags. Others go online to chat with strangers who might be rapists, perverts or murderers. ;)

Then one day, while I was just surfing the net, I came across "Lunch Actually" (anyone watched the movie Love Actually? Cheesy right?)

http://www.lunchactually.com.sg/

Basically, it provides dating services where professionals can meet up for lunch in the CBD area in Singapore. And I thought that it's a really good idea! If I am single, I will definitely sign up for it... In fact, I am just wondering can I sign up for such a service although I am NOT single??!!! It's a really fast, convenient and stress-free way to go for a date.

Isn’t it awesome to have a service that arranges pre-screened lunch dates for busy professionals or professional-wanabes? Lunch dates that fit into our hectic weekly schedules. And since these dates are pre-screened, which means that they are less likely to be disasters and most probably, someone whom you can easily relate to.

And so I began to tell all my friends, who are single to check out this website. However, most of the responses I got are negative.

“What??? Dating service? Do I look as if I need dating service to get myself a date?”

“I might as well join SDU then, at least it’s free!”

“What if my colleagues saw me during the date? It’s embarrassing!”

So it seems that most people have the perception that dating service is for those Single, Ugly and Desperate losers who need to PAY for dates. (Thus, the stigma of joining SDU huh?)

C’mon!!! What’s the big deal of going on blind dates? Isn’t it exciting to meet someone new? To learn about someone’s ocupation, beliefs and life experiences?

So I come to this conclusion that one needs a certain level of self confidence to go on a blind date, so it is not the concept of paying a dating agency that turns people off, but the idea of “selling” yourself during that 1 hour to make an impression and the rejection that one may faced.

Well… no pain, no gain. Your one true love might be there waiting for you. And he or she might be just a lunch date away. So what are you waiting for???

p.s: I am not affiliated to “Lunch Actually” nor received any monetary payments for mentioning their service in my blog.

Cabs 

Nightlife in NYC

Due to popular demand, I've finally come up with the list of clubs, bars and lounges in New York, which I have checked out and even provided a rating system. In no time, I will do like wise for Chicago. So everybody… hang in there!

Welcome to SPG's Rating system!
SPG a.k.a Singapore Party Girl
1 Star * = I'll rather die than to be caught hanging out there!

2 Stars ** = Bad music, ugly people but decent booze. So you better get dead drank so that everyone can look at least like a human being.

3 Stars *** = Enough groove to get you moving, some babes and hunks here and there to catch your eye. Nice atmosphere. With the right amount of alcohol or drugs, this place has the potential to be a blast.

4 Stars **** = Great music! Beautiful people! Cool décor! Do not even need any stimulants to get high… the music is already causing all the blood to rush to your head! Let’s party till 5 am!!!

5 Stars ***** = Everyone is either a porn star, model or b-grade movie star. Super classy, with groovy music. This cannot get any better… wait a minute, how the f**k did you get into the club in the first place???

New York City

1) CentroFly: ****
45 W.21st Streetbetween 5th & 6th AveNew York, NY, 10010

The first time I went to Centrofly, Chemical Brothers were spinning and they were AWESOME!!! Totally blew my mind, the music simply took my breath away. (Literally since we were dancing and dancing non-stop for almost 4 hours) One of the best night outs EVER! CentroFly has the reputation of spinning pretty decent music, unfortunately, it lacks a bit of atmosphere. Saw quite a number of Asians.

2) Avalon: ****
660 6th AveNew York, NY 10011(20th St)

This club has the exterior of a Church… in fact, it IS a church converted into a club. Pretty cool décor, whereby the HipHop basement being the coolest. There are stone figures of angels and stuffs and the mere thought doing any sinful deeds in a Church already sets me high! Great HipHop at the basement with Trance being played in the main dancing hall. Beautiful people, good music and a place to get high w/o alcohol. Easy access to c*ke… in fact, I saw at least 3 people snorting… … Highly recommended.

3) Rumor: ***
130 West 3rd Street (6th Avenue & MacDougal), New York

This is more of a lounge than a club although people start dancing crazily when the music rocks. It is a small place but perfect for a birthday party. Basically, we were there to celebrate Kanica’s birthday. I liked it. Very International crowd.

4) Big Fat Black Pussy Cat: ****
130 West 3rd Street (6th Avenue & MacDougal), New York

This bar is above Rumor and it is one of the coolest bars ever! Basically it’s divided into 2 sections where you have the normal bar like setting with a pool table. However, the other side of the bar is a gem! It’s dark with Victorian kind of settings and furniture. Very laid back yet with a touch of class. The perfect place to sit down and chat with friends… if you want to dance, can easily hop over to the bar section and groove with the mostly American crowd.

4) Webster Hall: **
125 E. 11th Street New York City, NY 10003212-353-1600

This is a 4-floor club playing all genres of music in each level respectively. Music is pretty decent BUT the place is simply filled with ugly people! Most of them are just tourists. One plus: Thursday is Ladies Night where drinks are free for ladies, Gorgeous, half-naked bartenders flirting with you across the bar and a free strip show which is just hilarious. Great place for a girls’ night out to get some free entertainment. Girls… you have to do this at least once in your life!

5) Light: ***
125 East 54th Street b/w Park and Lex., New York

This is a cozy little lounge with lots of class. Quite a number of bankers and executives like to hang out here to unwind. Seems to be more happening on Thursdays and Fridays. A great place to hang out with a flute of Champagne and a banker by your side.

6) Under Bar at W Hotel: ***
14 Street Union Square

Another lounge with even more bankers and banker-wanabes. Pretty swanky, thus the expensive drinks. Nice place to pick up a rich, old desperate banker. I prefer the bar upstairs. Less pretentious and with better ambiance.

7) Lot 61: ****
550 W.21st Street (Chelsea),
Between 10th and 11th Ave,
New York

This 5,000 square-foot former truck garage has been styled with an artsy feel. Seems to draw an Asian crowd with tons of underage-looking Asian girls… Drawback: Only one dance floor. Which means that you can’t move around to get better music to suit your groove. I’ve always prefer clubs that at least have 2 separate dance floors.

8) The Park: *****
118 Tenth Avenue (Between 17th and 18th Streets.)

This must be one of the best clubs I have ever been in my life! Been there twice and totally loveeeee the Park! It has 3 levels where the ground level starts as a restaurant, 2nd level is a bar and the terrace is a dancing haven! Music is great, both at the bar and at the terrace. The terrace is then, divided into indoors and outdoors with 2 little tents for people to make out??!!! Check out the turtle swimming behind the bar… The Park is a MUST!

9) Tao Bar: ***
42 East 58th Street (between Madison and Park), New York

This is the place which was featured in “Sex and the City” with this 18-foot tall Buddha sitting in the dinning area. The bar is situated before the restaurant and basically it’s a place for the “possers” – People who like to stand around and pose. Mind you… these possers are pretty good-looking. Great place if you want to rub shoulders with the beautiful people… however, the bar is really too small but you just most of the time being squeezed.

10) Hudson Bar = ***
356 West 58th Street, New York

Hudson bar is situated in the renowned Hudson Hotel. In fact, I like the hotel better than the bar itself! Highly recommended to just take a stroll in the hotel and if you have nothing better to do, hang out at Hudson bar. Once again, it is more of a lounge although people do start to dance when the music begins to pump up. Good looking crowd but will have to blow $14 on a martini. Nonetheless, still worth to take a look.

11) Serena = **
Chelsea Hotel, 222 W. 23rd Street , New York

Ok, save your time. Don’t bother checking out this place at all. Complete waste of time and music sucks. And to think that I was there twice??!! What the f**k was I thinking??!!

12) Eugene = ****
27 West 24th Street (Between 6th and 5th Avenues)

Cool place. Very nice bouncers… ladies can always get in free as long as you look good and give a smile or two to the rather cute-looking bouncers! Dance floor is big; however, there is ONLY 1 dance floor. So, once again, you cannot navigate around for better music.

13) Copacabana = **
560 West 34th Street at 11th Avenue

This is strictly for Salsa dancers since this is a Salsa club with live salsa music. Although I do enjoy Salsa but this place is beyond my league. Everyone is either a Salsa expert or Salsa teacher… So if you like salsa, this club will be upgraded to ****.

14) Fashion 40 = ***

This is more of a bar situated near Times Square. Nicely decorated but nothing special. Good to hang out if you are within the area and want to hang out with a bunch of friends to chat. Good-looking bar maids though!

Opel = **
Mid-town. 52 Street, towards the East Side

Ok, I can’t seem to find the address of this bar. This bar has the casual, good’old American feel to it. There is also a dance floor section beyond the bar to get some serious grooving. Rowdy.

Ok, the above places are the ones which I think worth mentioning or at least still relatively fresh in my mind. Can’t expect me to give a rating for ALL the freaking clubs I’ve been right?

Below are some clubs which I have heard GREAT things about them but somehow did not have the chance to check them out. So, the next time when I am back in New York, I will definitely hit Crobar!!!

1) Crobar
530 West 28th St. (between 10 and 11th), New York

I was actually at the door but the cover was freaking 40 bucks???!!!!! And my girlfriend refused to pay… so we walked away. Boo hoo… all those beautiful lining up. DAMN IT!

2) Bungalow 8
515 West 27t h Street, Between 10th and 11th Ave, New York, 1001

This is an extremely exclusive club where many hot celabs like Britney Spears and Camaron Diaz were seen hanging out. Unless you are willing to spend around $300, you can almost forget about getting in.

3) APT
419 West 13th St (at 9th Ave), New York

Went to the APT in Chicago and heard that it is the very much inferior version of the one in New York!!! Ha… definitely a place worth to check out!

New York City 

Flash Back to New York City

Since today I am in the mood to blog, I should exploit myself while this enthusiasm lasts! Some background for some of you guys who have no idea who I am:

Who: Wenai or Jean (for stupid Ang Mohs who can't get my name right)

Where: Currently in Chicago, was previously in New York for the past 14 months

Why: Doing a traineeship with Kraft Foods International in New York but due to the relocation of office from New York to Chicago, I am now based in Chicago for the last 3 months of my traineeship.

When: I first touched down at JFK on June 2 2003 and I should be heading home by mid November 2004.

How: I actually got this traineeship from this student organization called AIESEC from NTU!

What: The original intent of starting this blog is to note down all my sweat, tears and joys while I am in the States. But since I have been skiving, I just have to pen down whatever I can from my memory…

New York City

Every time when someone asks me, “What do you think of NYC?”

My reply: “I have a love-hate relationship with her”

Why I love the City:

1) Un-f**king-believable nightlife. In fact, there are so many clubs, bars and lounges that it takes at least 3 years to explore a new bar/club/lounge every weekend. And we are talking about pristine places with great music, class and good looking people!

2) Un-f**king-believable food. New York is the ONE place where you can find the most authentic cuisine from all over the world. You name it, she has it. From the usual Chinese, Italian, French, Japanese, Thai, Vietnamese, Brazilian, Mexican to the more obscure Afghanistan, Ethiopian, Tibetan, Moroccan and Peruvian. And the best part is that you don’t have to burn a hole in your pocket to eat like a king in New York, one can get these cuisines from USD 8. Of course, if you want to pamper yourself and splurge on those HIGH class restaurants with renowned chefs, New York City is definitely THE PLACE.

3) Believable art scene. There are so many plays, Broadway shows, musicals, and concerts to choose from. One can NEVER get bored in New York, broke, definitely, but never BORED. In fact, due to the limited resources and time, I have to make many tough choices on what to watch, who to catch in order to stretch my dollar to the very max.

4) The diversity. You will find all kinds of people in New York and I seriously mean ALL kinds. Not only people from all over the world come to New York, all kinda weirdos conjugate in New York too. Which, in turns, create this energy, this dangerous buzz that no other city in the world is able to replicate.

5) Roadtrip anytime. NYC is relatively close to many weekend getaways. Boston is just 5 hours away. Rhode Island's New Port is 2 hours away. Washington DC is 4 hours away. Pennsylvania is 2 hours away. Montreal, Canada is 8 hours away. There's also Niagara falls. Not forgetting going to Vermont or just upstate New York, Lake Placid to Ski during the winters. If you can't drive??? No worries... there are many tour agencies from Chinatown which provide cheap buses to these near-by cities and we are talking about 20 bucks round-trip to Boston!!! How can you beat that?

Why I hate the City?

1) It is a freaking SLUMP. New York City must be the most over-rated city in the world. It’s ugly, it’s dirty and New Yorkers are so mean. It’s not a charming city like Paris or San Francisco; in fact, I hated New York for a solid 3 months before I can come to terms with her.

2) Un-f**king-believable expensive. Ok, I know there are many other money-munching, blood-sucking cities in other parts of the world, e.g. Tokyo and London. But rent in NYC definitely brings the word “outrageous” to a whole, new level.

3) Subway in NYC is so GROSS. It’s as if you are in a 3rd world country instead of the “greatest city in the world”. There was this one time when sewage was leaking from the roof of Prince Street Station and the stench was so bad that I almost fainted. The best part was nobody did anything about it and the awful yellowish-brown liquid continued to drip… drip… drip…

4) You can die on the street and nobody will gives a damn. Yes... New Yorkers are that jaded. I have heard of people being mugged in broad day light and nobody lifted a finger to help. Those who came forward eventually are actually tourists.

There you go. My love-hate relationship with the Big Apple. Many people have asked me whether I prefer to stay in Chicago or NYC… a tough choice to make. However, if I am rich enough, I will definitely live in NYC for a while… especially when I am still young and crazy. ;)

Okok... This blog is too long overdue. I can't believe that my last entry was in April and that I am actually leaving the States in 2 months' time!!!

Talking about reality check... It's time for me to call up my Landlord, T-mobile, ComEd to start canceling or at least pro-rate my bills soon. Sigh.

*cliche* Times flies and before I realized, my stint in the States is coming to an end soon. I still remember how frightened I was when I first stepped foot in New York City, The Big, Bad, Rotten Apple.

In fact, I am supposed to blog down my experiences while I am in the States, but as you can see, I am not doing a very good job in that. Shame on me... Nonetheless, it's never to late to do anything and now, I am determined to at least blog once a day to catch up on lost time! Haha...

Guess I have to start all the way back... from June 2 2003. That was when I first touched down at JFK, New York...